Mother in Law

Hi Ruby Diamond 

I think a cruise sounds lovely BUT only you can know if it’s right for you. 
Is it all paid for? If yes I’d be inclined to go and just have a break but then I don’t know the full story so... 

Just do what’s right for you, not even what’s right for your children, they’d survive going or not. Just do what your heart tells you. 
xx 

Thank you for your reply. The cruise would be all paid for, which possibly makes me feel more uncomfortable.  We haven't spoken for 3 years but I'm accepting a free holiday off you!!

I think the older 2 children I say children they will be 25 and 22 next year will go but me and our youngest will decline

I have time to consider it but I guess I'm reacting emotionally due to Mothers day and as I said Robs 3rd Anniversary on 31st March.

Nobody contacts us on his Anniversary or his 50th Birthday last year. I feel very hurt by their actions.

I'm not sure being stuck on a boat would be a good idea!

Hello Ruby Diamond

How sad that you’ve had so little contact from his family. I feel disappointed that I haven’t had any contact from Chris’ siblings since before Christmas unless I’ve contacted them first- usually by text. When I commented to the sister he was closest to, she told me that they all had busy lives but since none of them work, I’m not quite sure how that works! 
Regarding the cruise- I’d do what you feel is right for you. Trust your instinct/ gut reaction, whatever you want to call it. 
Take care

xx

Then that tells you! Be true to yourself, do what is best FOR YOU! Xx 

I agree, do what’s best for you but would be nice to spend time with your children and encourage your youngest to go too xx

Its possible this is your MILs way of making up to the fact she wasnt in more frequent contact. A generous interpretation is she was grieving the loss of her son and did not know what to say to you. I speak to my MIL weekly on the phone but she never wants to talk about my lovely husband except in brief passing at my instigation. I think it is so intense and private for her she cant share. I would go on the cruise reconnect and give her the chance to explain but the choice has to be yours. It is also a link for your children with their Dad so let them choose too. 

Thank you for your perspective. It is possible yes. She's never been a hands on Grandma or involved, in fact the only time we saw her was when my husband invited her to visit. We live over 400 miles apart. She would spend most of her visit speaking with him.  

My husband was her eldest son and she also lost her husband to cancer. Its all very sad. 

Hi RubyD x Maybe Mother's Day made her think of her son and you and the grandchildren? Maybe she's been thinking of you all the time but not known how to approach you? Maybe she felt like she needed an excuse? Of course, maybe it's none of the above and maybe she's a wrong 'un. I don't know how other people think, or what they mean when they say things, or do things. I have mild asperger's, and I have to ask. Since I have been doing this, it makes things a lot easier, but I have also realised that non-asperger's folk are in the same boat. None of us really know what's going on unless we ask. Honestly, it saves the stress to address! 3 years is a long time to not know how the land lies. You take care of yourself, missus, and take your own advice and be kind to yourself. You deserve a huge pat on the back and a hug for getting this far. xx

Thank you for your reply.

Haha a wrong un would be a polite description

It's so sad to not have any contact with them but it's made me and our children even closer. They are fantastic and I'm so proud of them.

I've time to ponder my decision. 

Stay safe and be kind to yourself 

Hi Ruby. Well you do know her better than me :) xx The thing I have found is that I don't have time to spend with people who make me feel bad, so I just don't do it anymore. If they are offended and cut me off, then job done! Yours is a more complicated decision, because your children are involved. Oh, and it's sadder for the in-laws than it is for you. whether they know it or not. You don't have to prove anything to them, you have proved yourself already. x