Everyone on this site is sad. How horrendous the pain and loss. It floors you takes your breath away. At times it feels like your heart is going to explode. And then the loneliness. Bleak aching loneliness like nothing ever felt before and it goes on and on. There is no end. Everyday filled with things we used to do. Everyday filled with things we will never do again. We walk through our days in a split life. The one without him and the ever so real memories of him. Being with him. Talking to him. Why am I writing this. Who cares what my loss means to me. I am just one in a million. Many people have suffered loss and multiple loss that I can never imagine. I am lucky to live in this country with all my family around me. I don’t like woke stuff like list your blessings. I was brought up on a stern no emotions. Don’t show your feelings no matter what. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Yet here I am. But I am grateful for that upbringing. No matter how shit your life is there are people that I wouldn’t change it with. God! I read like a passage from the Old Testament. I am grateful for all the people that bare their soul on this site , I wish I could. I am too busy checking my spelling and grammar. If I spent as much time on my feelings as my English then I would be a better support to my daughter whom I watch being stoic. I guess I’m just trying to say I need to park the poor me’s even though I crawl into bed every night crying why me and look at my friends and their husbands and think fuck you. I’m trying not to be mean. Sorry if it comes across as preachy. I have been very grateful for this site but at some point you have to decide to go on or be forever stuck wailing poor me. I’m nearly there I’m still going to think fuck you to my oh so happily married friends. Being nice is overrated
I'm so glad i read some of support on this site before i read this post. You're very lucky to have a family around you but it doesn't seem as if you could care less or not. I lost all my family within past 6/7 years, not to cancer but it gave me a mental ill ness that can be horrific. was starting to do ok when my partner who is outgoing, hardworking gives me a phone call that will shatter me completely. i have said and still say, why me? why him? He only got told just before xmas he has terminal liver cancer. no cure as its all through his veins. given 6months - a year but i hink they were being hopeful. Ive sat and cried. feeling sorry for myself. feeling sorry for my partner turn from a hardworking funny, outgoing guy, great father also to his 2 kids - to a frail guy with no hope . watching him watch his kids with tears in his eyes, scared of losing them and me, his partner of 6 years. feeling sorry for himself - of course. i think if we're lucky we might get another month with him. i don't know if I'll get to speak with him tomorrow. we're talking about his funeral as if we're discussing a night out. we laugh, we cry and yes we do ask why us and feel sorry for oourselves cause i will have no one. my illness has came back tenfold, so am sorry if you think having a heart is wrong. im terried of when it happens and so is he. its kept discussed between him and myself at home. we don't know how to handle this, how to tell his 2 kids, how to cope with each other. grieving already before he even dies. so for all the poor me's including myself I will be there to try and support. and hope none of my happilly married friends ever end up in our position... btw in times like these i couldnt care less about spelling or grammar. bottom of my priority
I and many others on this site can fully appreciate how you are feeling at this time. The awfulness as days tick away, the feelings of helplessness as you live with a loved one who is slipping away. You want their pain to stop...but you dont want them to go.
I have no words that will ease your pain, there is no magic formula. Just take each day as it come and focus on each other... chat, reminiscence and love.
Just remember to take time to look after yourself and your needs as well x
Hi TraceyLee. I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I lost my husband 15 months ago and I struggle with his loss. I find it difficult to talk to anyone including family about how I feel and my adult children also don’t talk about their feelings. My post was directed at myself and I was being self critical. I too nursed and watched my husband die. My thoughts are with you in this terrible time x
sending you the biggest virtual hug x I also understand what you are going through x we laugh cried swore a lot and said all the things we needed to I also had problems with depression prior so pleawe take care of you to
we all grieve in different ways and I have in the past been the strong one sorting everything never showing my emotions but I came tumbling down I look and think wish I could be more open and people on here give me strength I also understand what you are saying I beat myself up everyday for not being able to control my emotions so self critical be kind to you and keep saying how you feel sending you a virtual hug
I’m still going to think fuck you to my oh so happily married friends. Being nice is overrated 
