Is it just me?

Good morning,

I feel I am using the lockdown restrictions, so as not having to be sociable, don't have to go out, make an effort for others. So yes I am dreading the restrictions been lifted, not sure how many excuses I will be able to find not to have to put "a face on ". Sometimes I just get fed up of being polite, happy on my own doing what I need to do, when I want.

Sorry been negative, just one of them days, paperwork fed up of repeating my story, might make list of company's with worst customer services after a bereavement.

Take care

love D

Hi kenickiesmum

I am alot like chillichilli I hated Covid when neil was going back and forth to hospital appointments, because the guilt of just leaving him by the doors and letting him do everything alone was horrible 

But after he passed i have used lockdown as an excuse not to let people in to my house i still have some of Neil's things around the house down stairs and the bathroom is still full of his stuff, the thought of someone coming in and saying something about it would destroy me I am copping my way like everything is fine when I am at work ect but when I am at home it's like time has stood still 

I think when lockdown is over i will meet up with family but not in our house 

The frase fake it till you make it is how I am living my life 

Totally agree with all of you. I hated lockdown when my hubby was alive as I wasn’t able to be with him when he was in hospital. But like you all say I have now used it as a chance to hide away. I don’t want to go back to normal as it feels like a betrayal to my hubby, like I’m leaving him behind. And while I’m shut away I can stay in this limbo.

Dreading going anywhere crowded or watching people going back to normal, enjoying a meal out and see people having fun, whereas life will not be fun for me for a long long time.

x

Hi all

I agree too, I’m dreading when things go back to ‘normal’. Things will never be normal again for us. 
I’ve got some great friends but they can’t make up for losing Pete.

My dad keeps saying that I’m starting a new chapter of my life now, he lost my mum 12 years ago, but I feel like I’m at the end of my book. Sorry to be so miserable but it’s how I feel xx

I’d rather just keep repeating the old chapter...

xx

Dear Kate 41, in every room is my Lynn’s stuff including her toothbrush in the bathroom, it’s all there chemo scarfs the lot.  Gloves, shoes, handbag and wholly hats give me comfort all in there own way I love having her stuff around me.  Hey, keep Neil’s things exactly where you want them to be, if this helps it doesn’t matter what other people think.   Take care.  Peter x

Hello

Chris’ things are still everywhere- his colouring books are on the coffee table in front of me now, his sunglasses are in the car, there are his gardening coat and shoes still in the shed, his clothes still in the cupboards and his watch is still on his bedside table. To be honest, I don’t care what other people think, but then it’s easy to say that when the only person who comes to the house is our eldest son! I’ve also put up photos of him in almost every room as I find that really comforting. Perhaps not for everyone but if I can’t be selfish now, well..... 

Would definitely be happy to repeat the old chapter!  Met a friend for a socially distanced walk today in a local park. Really struggled to see so many older couples walking round holding hands. Good job my friend is used to my tears.

Take care and thank you for the reassurance that I’m not alone

xx

Hi everyone in this thread so far,

I can understand your feeling of dread or at least apprehension when you think of what life will be like when lockdown is over. I suppose I am lucky in the sense that my husband died long before COVID-19. Lucky in so many ways. Lucky because I didn't have to leave him at hospital doors and let him go in and do his own thing, without being able to accompany him or speak with the doctors or whatever, but I was able to always be by his side. Also lucky in the sense that I was able to be with him in the hospital when he passed, and my heart really goes out to all people who haven't had that chance. Lucky in the sense that, because Paul died long before COVID-19, there was never any talk of not socialising and I did a lot of that because I didn't want to be on my own for long as it would only make me feel the pain of loss and the emptiness even more, so I actually can't wait for lockdown to be over so that I can see my friends again. 

I think it was Katie21 who mentioned about not wanting other people in the house as they might comment on seeing the things from your husband still there. What I want to say to you, and to everyone who feels like that and fears the judgement of others, please do what you feel is right for you and don't accept what others comment on it because this is entirely up to you. To this day - and this is over two years later - I still have things from Paul in my house and I wouldn't dream of putting them away or throwing them out. Maybe I'll feel differentl one day, but only I decide when that time has come. 

Love to you all

Mel.