I haven't been able to puck up the courage and say that my Partner Lesley had died 3 weeks ago after a battle with the cancer, I can't get over how the doctors could not help her with in the time. They operated on the inside of her mouth where the primary cancer was on her cheek, they also took her lymph nodes out which had cancer in them. The maxfax doctor said that he had got 99.9 % out which when told that a big relieve overcome us. we waited four weeks post op for the radiation to begin, before this happened Lesley had lymphedema and got some sort of infection on the operated site, puss was oozing and the radiation was put off until infection was cleared, when radiation and chemotherapy started first couple weeks (six weeks Post op) we noticed spots appearing and spreading we wasn't told that they were cancer we thought it was from radiation treatment. The oncologist told us that Lesley had a 20% survival and if treatment worked could prolong her life for up to 5 years. We was positive at the time and Lesley continued the treatment which seemed to do more harm than good as the spots was appearing ten fold and moving around to her good side of face. and lips they changed the mapping of radiation to compensate for spread, but didnt help as it was on week four after just one treatment they told us that it had now spread to the lungs and spleen.
They wanted to start immune and gave her just one treatment. sadly on week 12 while i was nursing her every need she developed sepsis and pneumonia, she became delirious and was taken into hospital on sat morning thinking that she would be coming home. i couldn't see her sunday as the ward had covid 19 on it from one of the patients, and on monday morning 5am i got a call telling me Lesley had taken a turn for the worse and i called the family we watched our beautiful Lesley struggle with her breathing until 1705 that day and she passed away.
I am heartbroken to say the least and my partner of 28years and 5 months has left me ! I really am finding it hard to cope with out her and over these past weeks cant focus or think about anything else apart from could i have done more or what if she didnt have the operation did the hospital perform to the correct standards in her care.. my children are distraught and aren't with me at home where do i go from here. i want you to know that a simple spot can turn into this painful outcome within a blink of an eye... our lives with out Lesley because of Cancer has changed us forever.
Please who ever reads this remember don't take your partner loved one for granted give them a kiss every day and hold them tight as if i had known this would have happened I would do all those things and more.
I hope that if you have cancer that you treat it with all your might and get over it out the other side My lesley tried her hardest and Lost but We shall never ever forget her or what might have been if we had known it was cancer to start with.
Love and best wishes to all Regards Mark.xx
It's very hard to admit to ourselves that our partner has died because we really don't want to believe it. It's all part of the process, denial, shock and asking yourself all those what ifs, could I have, why? I'm sure you did all you could possibly in very difficult circumstances because of (I was going to swear there!!) Covid.
Your postmade me cry because life is so precious and when I see couples not holding hands or kiss each other when saying hello/goodnight or bye see you later, upsets me, one day they will wish they had 
Take your time with grieving, use this site to get things off your chest, it really will help because all us bereavers know exactly how you feel from experience.
My beloved partner passed away just over six weeks after his diagnosis. The onset of the disease was sudden and the cancer was aggressive and progressed rapidly. We both went into shock and grief. It was a time of turmoil and exhaustion and we just tried to deal with it and cope. I've learned that guilt, anger and the 'what ifs' are often a big part of grief for some people. As if the grief and loss aren't bad enough pain, we torture ourselves with remorse that we might have let our loved ones down. People blame themselves even when there is absolutely nothing to blame themselves for. But here's the thing: there's a saying that "Love conquers all". As somebody said, the illness and the events surrounding it don't sum up or define the relationship. Nothing can take away that deep love shared and all that went before, and where there is love there is forgiveness.
Dunlin
