2nd go? I'M DEVESTATED

Hello! Geoff  Hope you are feeling a bit better today I'm sorry the letters upset you my friend that wasn't  the intention of your Anne . At that time she was just putting to paper her feelings at that time. You did say your behaviour was a bit erratic  wish the pressure of your job . The woman you loved for 44years stayed loving you always Wow amazing your a good man geoff don't be boozing to much please make Anne proud of her man . Take care you . 

Dear Geoff,

What an honest and heart-felt post this has been. 

I can understand that finding and reading the letters must have upset you. 

Your are not a bad person. You may have upset your Anne by drinking too much at some point in your relationship. And the affair may have upset her. And there may be other things you did do or didn't do that upset her during the long marriage you had. But, equally, she did things that upset you like, for example, not being affectionate or close with you in a way you would sometimes have liked and indeed needed. You know, I think we all do things in our relationships that, when we look back on them, weren't for the best and even caused upset to our partner. I really do believe that every relationship is like that. So I feel you have no reason to approach yourself for anything at all. And, as you can see from the letters, your Anne loved you deeply and despite the ups and downs in the relationship. That is a beautiful experience: unconditional love. And you, in the last moments of your Anne's life, expressed your unconditional love for her when you told her that no man could have a better life. 

If I may, I would like to give you a virtual hug now and say: Everything is okay between you two, and it's such a pity that you had to part so very early in your life together. 

As for clearing out cupboards or bedside lockers, I had a very painful experience when I cleared out Paul's bedside locker. I did this with my mum when she came over to Ireland to be with me for the weeks after Paul's death. You have to understand that I am blind [or have a vision impairment as we say today] and can't see hardly anything at all. So I was glad she was there to help me with the documents in his bedside locker. However, my English is native level whereas she has no English at all. So that was the setup. When I asked her to read the documents out to me, she tried; they turned out to be bank statements and, at the time and full of pain as I was, I told her not to continue reading because of course I knew what they were. I asked her to tear them up even. When I went to the bank a week later to cancel Paul's credit card, the guy behind the counter asked me whether I would want to cancel the current account as well. I couldn't say anything. We had no account with AIB. Or so I ha thought. And now I had to learn that my beloved Paul had had a current account behind my back since 2016, for more than two years behind my back, with a couple of thousands in it. I went home and cried with anger and hurt. It took some weeks before I was able to let it go because, since I would never be able to talk to him about it and find out why he had done this and withheld some money from me, even lied about statements when they came in and not telling me about this account at all, I decided that I would have to let it go 

But your post brought this memory back to me. Paul and I loved each other so much and I would have said that we talked about everything always. But then I had to learn that there was something he had not told me about ever. It was a shock. And I suppose you may have felt similar when you found the letters of which existence you hadn't known before. 

Love, Mel.

Oh! Sweetheart Mel. The things we don't know about concerning the loves of our lives until they've passed over?    Perhaps; and only perhaps,  many of us have our inner thoughts, feelings, and in your case a bank account that werent  known about,  never expressed  -  and in individual cases on both sides things never said or revealed  in life to the other.  However its so painful when these things are  addressed if seen in writing when our darling has gone? But are we all guilty in some way or another  of having our own secrets, thoughts, feelings, resentments no matter at what stage in our loving relationship? Human beings are such complex creatures. But Oh how it hurts when us folk are left behind to discover these anomalies. But if it wasn't us it might have been  for  them to discover something about ourselves. 

You sweet man. Your dear Anne loved you, loved you so much and forgave you. You have the most overwhelming regret that has consumed you and the letters have brought it all back, I’m so sorry.  These things can never be changed, they’re in the past, but your also human with human needs. One thing you can change is you, your behaviour to you. 

my husband at times wasn’t the best behaved towards me, he would be very hurtful sometimes when he drank (which was frequently) I was also a bit standoffish towards him with sexual affection, sometimes because of the drinking and sometimes because all I wanted was a hug and affection not full blown sex.

but I truly deeply loved him body and soul, I hated seeing what he was doing to himself but that was his choice not mine. I cared for him in his last 18 days at home, never left his side and like you told him that he’s so loved, I’ll always love him. 

please care for yourself, Anne saw beauty in you, she loved you for you, please see that and look after it for her. X 

you are loved xxxx