Bumped into someone I knew but hadn’t seen for a while. She asked me if I missed him. I smiled at her and said all the time. She then pursued this with times she remembered him which probably came to about 4 or 5 times in his life. It was nice to see her and it was nice to talk about him. Walking home in the snow I thought about that question did I miss him. It has been 15 months. No one brings me a cup of tea in the morning. When I’m watching good morning Britain he isn’t there to say turn that shit off. I have to scrape my own car of ice to get it out of the drive. I have to put the bins out and never get it right. There’s no point in cooking a Sunday lunch. I tell the dogs the bits I find interesting in the news. They don’t care. I don’t get woken up with snoring. I don’t have to listen to his music. I don’t have to put the toilet seat down. His arms are not going to wrap around me at night I’m never going to hear his silly jokes. I could go on. But I do get up every morning (thanks to my two labs) and I do get on with my day and my new life within the confines of lockdown. I talk to people when walking the dogs and keep in touch with family and friends via text etc. Do I miss him. God yes. But it will be spring soon and we go on.
This has brought tears to my eyes.
Some of those things are so true for me too- I could add turning the lights off last thing at night (lost count of the number of times I’ve got into bed and realised that I’ve left the landing light on), doing the washing up, complaining that my feet are cold in bed (It’s not normal was his complaint), complaining about the choice of music Ken Bruce plays, watching his collection of The Avengers videos (yes, videos), asking me what I’d been talking about when I’d met up with friends for some very long lunches, asking who’s on the phone before I’d answer it, grumbling about the amount of deliveries that our son orders to this house! Like most of us on here, I could go on. But oh how I miss him, every moment of every day. It’s been 16 weeks, 113 long, lonely and heartbreaking days.
Sending hugs xx
this is lovely. You did well to answer the lady. I still find that question, a year on, so upsetting. I give myself a kick and tell myself to stop feeling so sorry for myself, but I still find some questions so hard to answer without getting upset. Like you I get up every day as the dog needs me to, days come and days go and I hope the weather warms up soon to give me a new focus. xx