The day he died, memories

Hi, so sorry for your loss, it must be very difficult for you at the moment.

I lost my husband 7 weeks ago and I was with him when he died. It was horrendous, nothing like I thought it would be, I must've been naive to think he would just close his eyes and slip away.

Like you, I go over it all again and again, almost torturing myself for answers...of which there aren't any.  I know I did all I could for him and I couldn't  save him. I am hoping that in time these images will fade and the good memories will replace them.

It is very early days for us both and I know my thoughts and emotions  are constantly all over the place, which is normal. You are right, it is exhausting and the best advice I was given is to take one day at a time and try to look after yourself.

I am normally level headed but this really has knocked me for six and I have some bad days, but again this is normal.

I have had some wonderful support on here from people who truly understand, so keep posting whenever you need.

Take care xx

My husband died 44 weeks ago and I re-live that Sunday every week still. I look at the clock and torture myself at different times remembering what happened at 9.30am then 12ish when the district nurse prescribed lorazepam, half a 1mg tablet and she used the expression 'things are changing' but didn't say how. The rest of the afternoon he just got more weak, I didn't know this tablet would make him so drowsy. After dialling 111 the paramedics came 7.30 ish, gave him oxygen and 1 of the guys said the same thing 'thigs are changing' The nurses came and did what they had to do and he was gone by9.10pm it was relatively peaceful (definitely not like in a film though) the shock for us was that he bled from his nose and mouth after death, no one said that might happen!! 

We'll never get the answers we are looking for, we just learn to live with what happened was out of our control but I wish the nurse had been more honest with me and said to prepare for the end instead of bluffing me with that phrase that haunts me now.

I don't like Sundays anymore and miss Colin so much but I am thankful for time together. 

Thank you needed that today, funeral tomorrow x

Thank you very much xx

Hello all, 

it will be 16 weeks tomorrow since I lost my husband. I too watch the clock thinking of what happened that last Monday where the situation changed so dramatically. He was in hospital and  unfortunately passed away before I could get to him. I will never believe that that’s what he wanted- we’d discussed through the pandemic how awful it must be not to be with the one you loved at the end and how I said it must be impossible to get over. And he spent 46 years putting me first, it wouldn’t have changed at the end. I’m really struggling with the fact that in his last ten days we spent barely 8 hours together. So many regrets, so many what ifs, so many wish I’d done that. It is so hard. I am trying very hard to be grateful for the time we had together, for the precious memories I have and for our two wonderful sons.

I’m finding that posting here helps- so thank you to all for sharing and most of all for your understanding.

Take care

x

Will be thinking of you tomorrow x

Thank you for your reply it means so much, really struggling today as furneral tomorrow. Rob was in hospital 12 weeks, (only went in for 3) we knew there were no visiting, accepted this as thought he would be ok when got him home, worth it to keep him safe. I saw him once in 12 weeks. He came home after they found another tumour and couldn't do anything, he lived 11 weeks. Yes so blessed to have him home and every day was a blessing, but still wanted longer. Take care xx

Will be thinking of you. Sending hugs

x