So lonely and empty without her

Hi

I am so sorry for your loss and it is still very early for you and your family,

You are not alone in the way you fill, this  the other part of losing some one, something unless you are going threw it no one else could ever understand.

Every one within this group has or is going threw what you are at the moment, it is all normal though it does not fill like it, one day at a time is the only way forward as many people have found out,

I am 15months down the line, I have really bad day's and go done hill but they are getting fewer than at the start.

Its not easy. i can assure you, lost, cut in half, not sleeping, eating, angry, sad, emotions come from no where it is part of something we go threw because we have lost the other half of us and loved them.

This group will give you so much support, and some one always here that will listen,

I could not have got this far without the group, you are not alone here with the thoughts you may have or the emotions you are going threw,

Take Care Ellie x

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Hi mrm,

I am so sorry for your loss and do understand that feeling of not being able to or wanting to carry on without your soul mate.

I lost my husband to stomach cancer in December last year, just over 7 weeks ago. We had been together 23 years and he was just 52. 

I thought I had actually been doing pretty well, sleep not great but getting some, cooking for myself and eating well, out walk my dog every day, even going back to work in a week.  But today I feel like I’ve gone backwards. Started off okay but as day went on my mood has darkened. 

But you know what? I know it won’t always always be like this. Right now I hate life and want my husband back or to join him, but another day I’ll walk my dog and enjoy the sunshine. It’s all about taking things one day at a time as Ellie has said, and not to expect too much from ourselves. And best not to look too far ahead for now as I inie it’s overwhelming.

So today I am giving myself a break. I’m wallowing on the sofa, doing nothing but watching rubbish TV and maybe having one glass of wine. And I shall think of my husband and the wonderful like we had, and try and be thankful for the amazing love he gave me.

Thinking of you and sending a virtual hug. X

Hello mrm

So sorry for your loss. It is very early days for you and the rest  of the family too. I lost my husband of 44 years in October last year and on the worst days I’m still waiting for him to walk back into the room bringing me a cup of coffee. I wonder how I’ll ever make any ‘big’ decisions without him here. 
Just take one day at a time and take small steps. I can only agree with Ellie and Bramblejoo when they say it’s not easy and some days are just too awful for words but there are flashes of moments that are less bad. My sleeping pattern is all over the place- I’ve given in to cat napping when I feel the need. If all you achieve is to get up, dressed and eating regular meals, then go with it. And as for all the official things that need doing- pace yourself. I found it easier to do just a couple of things each day. 
The people in this group understand some of the pain you’re feeling, so do keep in touch.

Take care

x 

Yes despite knowing that this is going to be the outcome it is still a real body blow when you suddenly no longer have them. My husband died in the local hospice which was his choice because they couldn't manage his pain at home. For months after that I kept getting the urge to nip down and visit him. I did fill the time with sorting things out but on the whole nothing fills that gap for long. I hope your sons have been offered some professional help to express their loss, it does depend on age and circumstance. 

My husband lost his father to cancer when he was 17 but his brother was 8, and while my husband always worried about getting the same cancer as his father, his brother barely remembers him. 

The one thing to say is don't do the stiff upper lip stuff with the children, knowing that you hurt as much about the loss as they do will help them feel united with you.

I have just joined, so all new not sure if I am doing it right.

Thank you all for letting me read your stories, thoughts and feelings. My partner of 17 years died 2 weeks ago of Sarcoma. He spent 12 weeks in hospital, with only one visit, then 11 weeks at home on end of life care, all during a pandemic. I feel lost, empty, angry, asking myself questions did I do enough? Did others do enough? Just want to talk to him, want his approval about funeral etc. I have worked in bereavement support for many years, so know what I would say to others, just didn't think it would be so so hard . Be kind to yourselves x

My husband died 43 weeks ago. Sarcoma was his primary cancer too. I'm sure you did all you possibly could and more in this difficult time for your partner. Your background in bereavement support must feel like a head start in the grieving process but also seeing it from this side will give a different prospective. Keep reading and posting, this group is a massive help to us bereavers and each other x

Hi Chilli Chilli,

So sorry for your loss and sorry you have had to become a member of the group no one wants to join. Having said that, the people on here have been my lifeline since I lost my husband to stomach cancer almost 8 weeks ago.

I think we have all asked those questions at some point, I know I did. I’ve been angry (not sure who at), guilty, confused, every emotion you can think of. But ultimately just so so sad that I no longer have my soulmate and best friend.

I am sure you loved your partner very much. None of us are medical experts and there are certain things that are simply out of our control. We couldn’t save our loved ones but we were never going to be able to do that. In the end we just loved them and were there for them as much as we were able to be, that’s all we can ask of ourselves.

Keep posting, there will always be someone around to reply, we’re up all hours in this group! X

So sorry for your loss. This group is certainly very supportive and comforting. It’s certainly reassures me that I’m not going completely mad especially on those days when I go through every range of emotions or the days when I can do nothing except cry. I have to say that 15 weeks on, the overwhelming emotion is just a huge feeling of sadness that I no longer have that special person in my life. Yes I have some wonderful memories but I’m greedy- I want more. 
Take care and come back to this site, there’s always someone here who will listen and support you 

x

I don't think is is greed, it is also envy, that other people get to go on with their lives - after my husband died I had to listen to my mother bitch and moan about what he should do, what he didn't do but she still had him for a further two years (he was 87 when he died). She got to retire with him, to go travelling with him and to have nearly sixty years with him which I didn't. 

It isn't greedy to have the same as most others have. I had just 20 years with my husband and I accept that I was lucky with that my friend had 10 unhappy years with a control freak. I would just have liked more.

So true. I had 23 amazing years, and it’s for that very reason that I wanted at least another 23 years. That would have still only taken us to 69 and 75, not unreasonable or greedy at all, a very fair request.

But one day I’m hoping that I can be grateful that I actually got those 23 years being able to share my life with the most wonderful man and have such beautiful memories to cherish forever. I appreciate not everyone gets that.