Roles reversed

Hi Kate

I can see where you are coming from.

I was diagnosed with incurable cancer three years before my hubby passed with cancer.

I finished three years treatment every three weeks, and he got his dx four days before i finished treatment

, that was really hard.

I kept going with the treatment mainly for him as he would be lost with out me, its now the other way, he was good with money, did all the bills, and worked hard,

Though when it came to running the house, it would be a shit hole by now,, as he always said  more important things than house work, He did not know how to turn washing machine on, did not realise you had to clean windows, and did not know where the iron was kept.

We where married 53 years,, i am lost without him, and he would have  been lost without me.  So on reflection if we had been given the choice and was asked face to face who should go first he would have said he was to go, because he loved me that much, and was the one that kept me going when treatment was hard, because he said i can not live without you.

Take Care Ellie xx

I have thought this myself, Kate.

Before John died I asked him if he would be able to cope if it were me dying and he said no, not at all.

John was a hard worker so he would manage to go to work if he was left on his own...but that would be it.   He too, I know would've locked himself away and drank far too much, wouldn't bother to eat properly and the poor dog would never get a walk.

I went on holiday a couple of years ago with some friends, just for a few days and he said he hated every minute I was away...the house was too quiet and the dog lay around moping.   

He said before he passed away that he had the easy part, that staying alive and living alone was the hardest.  I'm not sure if his part was easy but the carrying on alone in the empty house is so hard. Luckily the dog seems ok and gets lots of walks as walking helps me. x

It still makes me laugh when I remember neil using the washer for the first time he thought 90 degree ment a full cycle he was so happy that he had done the washing till he seen the state of the clothes 

Hi Kate41,

Its like you have delved into my brain and spoken my own thoughts. This is exactly what I have said to the kids! We are devastated to lose my hubby at the age of just 52 and of course we would prefer that both of us lived to a grand old age. But, if I think of it the other way round and me leaving Clive behind I know he wouldn’t have coped as well. On the surface he may have seemed fine but emotionally he’d have crumbled. I was the same in that I had an operation back in 2017, it was an emergency spinal op and he went to pieces, as he did again when I had to have another op in 2019. 

He battled his diagnosis for a year before dying 6 weeks ago, and it broke my heart to watch him decline and to know he would never see his grandchildren grow up or grow old with me, but it would break my heart more to think of him having to endure this sadness and grief for the rest of his life. I would much rather that be left to me to cope with. It’s hard as hell but I truly believe that one day I will be able to enjoy life again, taking pleasure in the simple things we loved, and be able to smile at the memories.

So thank you for posting this, you are so right x