how to be normal

Hi Callum,

So sorry for your loss. It’s still very early days. I lost my husband almost 4 weeks ago now so I can’t really give advice on things getting better just yet. He was 52 and we’d been together for 23 years.

I feel exactly the same, I spent the last year trying to work full time from home whilst caring for my hubby which became tougher the more sick he became. Now he’s gone and I’m currently off sick, at home alone and suddenly find myself without a purpose.

I don’t really drink (the odd glass but purposely avoiding it so it doesn’t become a crutch) and also avoiding any type of medication. Instead I’m trying to use healthy eating and waking my dog to keep me going. And I guess in time I’ll go back to work and at some point will feel less guilty about continuing to live a normal every day life when my hubby can’t anymore. And as for a purpose, I guess none of us really have one, we are just fortunate to be alive and need to just try and make every second count for the sake of ourselves and our loved ones who have lost that chance.

Keep posting, this group of people on here are amazing and I’ve helped me tremendously already x

Hi there sorry for your loss it is the most painfully time you will ever have I lost my wife 15 months ago and have found the pain goes down but never goes away you learn to live with it if you need to cry do so it's like a safety valve you will always feel deathly at some time of another being on this site helps a lot as you are with people who also feel your pain hope this helps 

Yes Callum, it slowly returns to normal or it least I have. I have lost two husbands. One a few years back, just after divorce. He was the father of my children and my first love. I still miss him and love him but we moved on and our children have grown up to be 21 and 17 and are both fantastic young adults. 

My second husband died last Christmas. I have done all the firsts now. I miss him but not as much any more. I rarely cry and do not think about him as often. Our marriage was not perfect. Maybe that makes a difference but I feel I have laid him to rest. His children were always a pain to me and often unpleasant so I have cut ties with his family as it was unnecessary stress. I gave them an awful lot of personal possessions and they threw it back at me.

I initially drank every night, not excessively but more than I should. I rarely drink now.

I have met an old friend that I had not seen for years. We had a bit of a shaky start but we have really hit it off now. I will never marry again and I am taking things slowly. Things moved too fast for my children with my second husband and it has caused damage. I won't make that mistake again but it is nice to be with a man my own age and relate to each other. We have a laugh and fun. 

Things happen for a reason and at different times for us all but never give up.

I increased my work hours from 3 days to 4 days a week. I had too much time on my hands and the extra money is useful. 

Take care. Love Alison xx

Hi mate things do become a new normal, but time is the thing, and we should really understand that sadness and loss are as much a part of life as the things we are told make up good worthy lives.

So my advice is see the small incremental changes and look back to see where you have come from..

Hi mate things do become a new normal, but time is the thing, and we should really understand that sadness and loss are as much a part of life as the things we are told make up good worthy lives.

So my advice is see the small incremental changes and look back to see where you have come from..