Feel so numb

Sal1,

So sorry to hear your sad news. 

I can totally understand how you are feeling. It is now 14 weeks since my husband passed away after being diagnosed new years eve followed by 9 months of terrible suffering. 

Numbness, anger, tears, or no- tears... the full range of emotions hit you sometimes within the same hour! Initially people tell you your doing amazing whilst others expect you to stop mentioning it. For me, in many ways the whole Covid lockdown that caused problems whilst our loved ones were alive is actually now a blessing for keeping some people away.  

We all have different ways of coping ... there is no right or wrong way.

Sleep..or lack of it! I've forgotten what a proper nights sleep is like and I suspect many of the people in this group feel the same.

Sending you a big {{hug}} and remember we are all here for each other. No magic wands just a listening ear and some understanding of how you feel right now.

Mym x

It's ten weeks for me, and your comment about Covid restrictions keeping some people away now is so true, and in some cases that is a relief. 

As for a proper night's sleep.....what is that? I used to have eight hours, especially since I retired. But it's just not happening now. I've cried myself to sleep almost every night- coming to bed is the worst part of the day for me. That and waking up. Somehow those are the two points in the day when I miss him most.

This group is helping me realise that I'm not alone.

Take care

Hi Sal21,

You will find support here and a great bunch of people who just get it as they have also lost their soulmates. 
I go to bed okay but then just can’t turn my brain off. All the what ifs rear their ugly head at night and I just seem to keep really replaying my husband’s final year, some of it filled with good times but a lot with sadness and suffering. It is so cruel and unfair and although I’m sure there are others worse off that doesn’t help right now.

I get the same comments about how strong I am and how well I’m doing. Generally that may be true but the fact is I don’t want to have to be strong. I’m sure what we all want is to just curl up and cry into the arms of the one person who can’t hold us anymore.

I know we will all get through this and talking on here helps so much, but I’m also sure that our lives will never be quite as rich without our amazing partners and that’s something we will never just ‘get over’ as true love lasts a lifetime, our life times. As I’m only 46 that’s a long road of grief ahead of me.

Thinking of you all and post anytime. Someone will always be listening xx

Hello sal21

I can empathise totally with you, i lost my lovely amazing husband of 47 year in August,  this was my first Christmas without him since i was 19 year old,  I got through it with our wonderful family,  it was emotionally very difficult,  we talked about past christmases,  never thinking last year would be our last Christmas together,  lucky the whole family spent it together at ours last year, but every day is a struggle,  like you at first its a feeling of numbness,  its seems unreal, hoping they'll come back. This forum helps i joined a few days after losing my love, hopefully you will also find it helps you, for nowvits just a day at a time, and it hurts. Take care.

Hi sal1

So sorry to hear your sad news and I too totally understand all the emotions you are feeling.

It's only 6 days for me since I lost my husband, my soulmate, after only 2 and a half weeks of being diagnosed.

Although I feel absolutely heartbroken and terrified for the future, being part of this group is helping me more than I ever thought anything could.

I have just registered his death this morning by phone due to covid and my job now is to arrange the funeral. This is going to be really hard as to me it makes it all real!  But I know that I can get the support I need from people on here who understand what I am going through.  So sending a big hug and we are all here for eachother xx

Hi Sarah 21,

I am also in funeral arranging mode and you’re right it makes everything feel so real when you don’t want it to. One positive I did find was talking to the celebrant with my daughter. We had a 50 minute call where we could just tell her all about my husband and how amazing he was, that gave us real comfort.

I still haven’t registered the death after almost 6 weeks, sadly due to a hospital procedure not long before my husband died he now has to have a post mortem to confirm actual medical cause of death, just more distress at a time when it’s really not needed.

We’ll all get through this s**t time one day at a time.

x

It must be awful having to wait for a post mortem or for any other reason that delays a funeral longer than normal. I always feel it's a kind of limbo time between death and funeral and envy cultures where it is held very quickly.

I was grateful that my husband's funeral a few weeks ago was led by my brother in law and my daughter gave a family tribute... much more personal than a stranger albeit, a compassionate one.

Covid meant limitations but thankfully we had the live video link. Following the funeral we also had parts of the video and some still photos taken on the day plus pictures of my husband taken over the years added to the same piece of music that we played in the Crematorium... I've re-watched it numerous times and actually find it comforting not maudlin. Other people that couldn't attend or watch the service live have watched it and feel that they could also pay their respects and say 'Goodbye' even though they could not do so on the day.

My daughter and I arranged the service and the lovely lady Funeral Director was more than happy to let us, as long as government restrictions were adhered to.  My husband had a very simple but poignant funeral that still incorporated the full military honours he deserved (and was entitled to) even down to uniformed motorbike outriders flanking the cortege. It was kept understated  yet very moving.

Go with whatever you want and don't let yourself be brow beaten into doing things you neither want or asked for. 

1. Mym xx