What next

Hi Sarah21,

I agree that this site can be invaluable. I’ve not missed a day since my husband was diagnosed just over a year ago and have posted almost every day since he died just over 2 weeks ago.

The funeral stuff and officialdom is tough for sure. I tried to do as much as possible before Christmas Day just so I could try not to think about it briefly. Having to make such decisions so soon is really hard and makes everything feel so real when I wanted to just hide away. I still have to finalise the funeral and also have the worry that we may have to postpone as my husband has to have a post mortem (as if I didn’t know the cancer killed him), as he died in hospital not long after having a drain fitted to his abdomen. 
I feel like I’m on autopilot right now and organising everything in as clinical a way as I can, in my PA mode. I just want to get to the funeral date so he can finally be at peace and we can mourn him properly and cherish his memories, once we’ve got past the parting deciding who makes the cut for the 30 attendees and whether everyone remembers their masks....

My husband died a year ago tomorrow. You do it all Sarah because you have to. I needed to keep busy and it helped. I went back to work after a week because I had done it all and I didn't want to think. I have done that all year, just kept busy.

I was dreading Christmas but it has been ok. Boring really but that is because of covid! You will live again and it will get better. 

I am so sorry for your loss, difficult at any time but may be more noticeable at this time of year. 

Take care. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Sarah 21

it is good to ramble ,when I first lost my husband i was putting all sorts on here in the first few weeks I found that I had must of gone though about 6 different personalities in one day from anger sorrow felling numb to denial the last one was my favourite i found getting stuck in all the paper work that needs doing helped me get though the early days it keeps your mind busy i would also recommend when you do start keep a note book Wright down all the jobs and cross them off as you do them there is so much to do it is easy to be overwhelmed when you start 

Post as much as you need whether it is about how you are feeling or if you need help with anything there is always someone that can help with some kind words or advice 

Ramble away- it can be helpful as you go through these difficult and horrendous days and weeks. 

I'd certainly get a notebook to write down everything. Making all those awfully draining phonecalls can be challenging never mind remembering what you are expected to do follow up or when people will get back to you. I found that I could only handle a couple of phonecalls each morning before I went into meltdown so tried to prioritise..

Regarding planning the funeral for my wonderful husband, my stepmum told me to think of it as doing something special for someone i had loved and who had been my everything for 46+ years, and while it didn't take away the pain- it helped me to plan a celebration of his life.

Take care and take each hour as it comes x

Sarah21

Sorry to hear you have lost your soulmate.

We are all hear to listen, send hugs, give advice based on our experiences if asked for and generally be here for one another.

I totally agree about keeping notes of people you speak to regarding official matters. I always wrote date, time, get a name and a few notes what the outcome of telephone conversation was. It will take a few weeks to sort everything.

Try not to stress about the funeral..  just go with whatever you feel is right.  

Take time to look after yourself.

Mym x