I lost Richard in July 2013 aged just 59yrs & after just 3 months of being sick , as if that wasn’t bad enough over the years I have found that all but one of (our) friends some since we were married & that was 34 yrs have just ceased to think I exist anymore , has anyone else found this ? Why just because we aren’t a couple do friends just abandon me ? We had friends for over 30 yrs that we would have dinner parties with social evenings & lots more , I can count on one hand how many times they have contacted me to see if I was ok or needed anything .
I have a neighbour who was good friends with us both but now if I ask for help with anything ( sometimes I need a mans help with things ) all I get is excuses as to why he can’t help , I’m 66 now & a pensioner & some things I need a mans help with now that Idon’t have a husband I depend on those around me .
I may be having a moan but I just feel abandoned by all our so called friends now I am one & not two
Hi Isabel1669 7 years on seems odd that old friends would act that way. I know what you mean about needing a 'mans' help with something -even opening a jar of beetroot can be a challenge (put a marigold on!) Maybe they think you are going to steal their man or something- I guess they feel nervous about what to say. Invite them in 2 couples at a time and reminice about the old times, go out with the wife while the hubby does certain jobs for you. It sounds like you're going to be the one to put yourself forward here. (When we can do what we like!!)
Take care and make the first move xx
I think most people who haven't been in our situation haven't a clue what to say, do or how to treat us. So they do what most of us do and vanish into the woodwork. It's a real shame but I think it's human nature..
So my guess is it's nothing personal just human nature..
I think you are right there Mccmcc. I always tried not to ignore a bereved friend before I lost Ric but now I would make more effort to not avoid a person or avoid the subject! That is always the worst for me!
My friends chat openly to me as I do with my best friend also widowed.
I have given Steve a chance and we have formed a relationship. We had a very long talk and I told him how I felt. He has not lost a partner but both his parents, which I am fortunate to have, but he is happy for me to talk about Ric and Simon. Xxx
Hi Martin
Thank you. It is going fine with Steve but my children are not happy. They are convinced that I am going to end up as things did with Ric which was not easy. I can not convince them other wise and I can see it won't work in the end because my children think I should be home all the time for them. I am trying to balance the two but it is starting to feel like too much effort and my own happiness is not important.
They don't really get I just want company and someone to talk to and laugh with again. After all they want me here but not to actually sit with me and chat!! I suppose I am just a mum!
How are you doing? It has been quiet here lately. I do log in still
Love Alison xxx
Hi Alison
If i could give you a hug right now I would!
How old are your children? Do they really understand that you need a life too? You sumed it up when you said all they want is you to be there, whilst they do their own thing. Mums dont go away just because they have a new life of their own.
Please don't feel that you have to convince anyone of anything, you as we can all testify, have been through so much and life is far too short. Enjoy yourself, enjoy Steves company and remember your happiness is as important as everyone else's infact at this time probably more important
Lizzy x
Hi Alison
make a new life for yourself the children will get use to it in the end it will take time you are allowed life and sounds like you really like Steve and you don’t have to live will some one to be happy and you still have your own space
me I’m just angry the clock ticking time goes by may be I’m just lonely or scared it’s not the right time I know one day
take care
Martin xx
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