Lost and heartbroken

Hi, I'm so sorry to read your post. What a shock this must be for you.

I'm much older than you, in my early 60's and my husband passed away 3 years,ago, but I do remember how I felt at the time.

I struggled to eat, too, but I just ate little an often to keep myself going. Things like a pot of yoghurt or a bowl of cereal or some soup. I could manage just little things, and over the course of the day, it does mount up, so maybe you could have a go that way?

It's good that you have a big support network, make use of everything they offer you. I didn't have anything like a business to run, but I was really scared about having everything to deal with in the home, maintenance etc. I think you will manage, but at first, you can't imagine how on earth you're going to do anything.

In one way having a baby to look after must seem hard, but on the other hand it will give you something to focus on. I lost my dad in tragic circumstances when my daughter was only a few months old, and I think it was good that I had to keep going for her. I hope you find that, too.

I did find this site really helpful and posted regularly in the beginning. People here are very supportive, so keep in touch with everyone here, there's usually somebody around, even at odd hours.

Try not to think too far ahead, just do the 'one day at a time' thing, or even one morning or one hour if that's all you can manage. Things will get better, I promise, but it's way too early for you to know that right now

Sending you a big hug x

Thank you for taking the time to write this. My husband was always on discussion groups like this when he had cancer but it was something I never did. I can see now how this must have been a great help to him. I’ve not been one to open up and ask for help but I know now I need to in order to get through this xx 

Hi 

I'm sorry to hear about your husband 

I'm 46 and lost my husband to throat cancer just last week 

I totally understand your pain and everything that goes with it 

I also have struggled with eating as it just makes me feel sick but little and often helps a bit 

I'm still in the stage where I can't quite believe it's real and have no idea what to expect next 

But if you wanted a chat or anything feel free to add me on here and message 

Sometimes it's good to have someone who is going through the same thing 

Xx

Hi, 

I am so truly sorry to hear about your husband.

I understand what you mean when you say it doesn’t quite feel real. I half expect him to still walk through the front door. 

I did manage to eat a little earlier today for the first time so I was pleased about that. Definitely having ups and downs. I find the mornings the hardest, just keep crying but as I try to distract myself I find it a little easier. 

Not spending much time at home at the moment. I find myself going out each day as it’s too hard to be surrounded by everything that reminds me of him but I do hope that this changes and that I may find it a comfort in the future.

I have added you. Please feel free to message me. 
xxx

Hi Scem

There are no words I can say that will make your pain go away..

I can understand your loss, that feeling that they are going to walk in the door. I also think the mornings are harder because you expect them to be there when you open your eyes... then the realisation that they're gone hits you (again) as you become fully awake. 

My husband died a few weeks ago and I feel at 54 he was far too young . .So  I cannot imagine how you must feel at your much younger age and with a small child to care for.  All I can say is take up the offers of help from your friends and family. No one will judge you for asking for help, we all like to be independent but remember not to put pressure on yourself. Take time to grieve, take comfort in your little baby and face each minute/hour as they happen. There will be days when you cry with grief and days when you want to scream with sheer anger and frustration. There is no right or wrong, no time scale, everyone has to grieve in their own way.

{{hug}}

I'd never been on anything like this either, but it was so good to be able to read about other people's experiences, and to be able to post myself.

I don't come on so often now, but it's been the anniversary of his death recently and I just felt the need to reconnect a bit.

Don't be discouraged by this, it really does get better, but sometimes it's good to be amongst people who understand.

Hope your week goes OK, and you manage to do everything you need to do. I remember how overwhelming it seemed at the time, but most people are very helpful.

Hi Pooka,

Im so very sorry to hear about your husband. Your words have helped me, thank you. I am asking for the help. I have family staying with me at the moment but I do fear how I’ll be once they have to leave and I have to live in this house on my own. I try to tell myself not to worry about things like that just yet but it is hard. Like you said, take each minute/hour as they happen x

Hi Nothernlass

Thank you for your kind words xxx

Sorry for your loss and you have s lot to deal with. I hope being busy may help you. I have dealt with everything like that personally. 

Take comfort in your baby. Cuddles from a little one are great. 

Take care of yourself and accept all help offered. One day at a time. You sound like a strong lady and we are here. You can do this

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hello there,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you have found us here as this is such a difficult journey and so important for you to know that, apart from family and friends, you have us here who can listen and share with you the sadness and pain of loss.

I can relate to your story as I myself am only 38 and lost my husband shortly before my 36th birthday.

Allow yourself the sadness and grief. I wasn't able to eat for a while after my husbands death but that slowly changed after some time. I was lucky to have a good GP who prescribed the same protein drinks my husband had been taking when he couldn't eat and they helped me to get over the worst.

Love, Mel.