Grief is tough for me let alone our teenage son

Hi Saslilsis

Please phone Macmillan they will put you in touch with the right people, not sure if there is one on the online community.  When you haave please use this group for support for yourself if needed.

Every one here knows what you are going threw, sorry you  have had to find us.

Elliexx

Hi

I feel everything you have written. My husband was just 47 when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and our then 17 year old son just wanted his Dad to be there for his 18th.

We managed to have a very muted birthday party in the hospice and his Dad gave him his first legal bottle of lager. Not the big birthday celebration we should have had and my son now doesn't look forward to his birthday.  Its his 21st soon and I do have a card for his 21st written by my husband, I have one for all the big birthdays he will miss for all 3 children. Its sure to be emotional. 

Just keep talking to your son, also is there a family member who can step up too. Our eldest son had a good guidance teacher at school who he found it easy to talk to.

Take care

Hello Saslilsis.   As well as Macmillan who are very good, you may also want to see if you have a Maggie’s Centre nearby.  They have helped me considerably since losing my wife in February this year to uterus cancer.  
Take care x

It's all still  very early stages for you - I'm sending you a virtual hug for starters . Autopilot is the only way through this awful time we have to deal with because we have to do things only the spouse that's left behind can do.  There's a group for bereaved friend and family and  probably a group for young adults which your son might join in with a conversation or start his own thread like you have.  

Stay safe

Hi Ruby

thank you for your message ... seems we have a lot in common - that helps for starters as neither my son Bradley or I know of anyone going through this incredibly tough time which makes it even harder!

Bradley is attending upper 6th but is struggling to concentrate and is behind from lockdown no 1 as he spent every waking moment with Sean talking, watching films and enjoying each other’s company so he fell behind - the school are aware. He used to have a young pe teacher who he had a good relationship with but has moved to a different year group and doesn’t see him anymore.

i also have 2 older children from a previous marriage and Bradley gets on with Ashley my eldest son but struggles to open up - however he did breakdown this week and spoke to me - I told him it’s ok not to be ok and it’s good to cry and talk, bless him.

thank you for reaching out, I really appreciate it.

take care and maybe chat soon x

Thank you for getting in touch 

I feel reality is kicking in now that the cancer bubble we lived in has burst and Sean will never be seen here again.. it’s just so sad and cruel.

I have to stay strong for my children but they are amazing and help me through plus my dogs get me out which is when I cry, talk to Sean, get it all out there ready to face the day!

take care and stay strong x

Hi

Thank you for getting in touch 

it’s a tough journey isn’t it?!! I had to reach out as my son and I feel very alone as we know nobody who is going through this

I will look into a support group but due to COVID it’s difficult to attend meetings let alone get a call from someone! 

stay safe xx

Thank you for getting in touch 

we do have a Maggie centre in Oxford but due to COVID it is closed

however I will get in touch when things are back to ‘normal’!

I took Sean there for a session on living with terminal cancer - he was reluctant to go but found it immensely helpful and was pleased he went!

take care 

Those are lovely memories for your son to have. My son was also in his 6th year and trying to revise for his Scottish Highers, and then onto University.  He didn't get the grades needed and with hindsight I'm glad. It meant he could stay at home longer which we all needed. He has since passed his HND in Mechanical engineering at college and seems happy to have found a job in these difficult times. Its not the way we had intended but life has a way of woking out.

I have 2 sons with my husbands and am very close to his daughter from his first marriage.  When my husband died they were 21, 18 and 12. They are very close and have been a great support to each other and me. We have 2 Siberian Huskys who also keep us busy.

I'm glad to hear you say your son is opening up, some days are better than others.

Take care x

Hi my heart goes out to you and your family 

On my sons 17 birthday is Dad took a turn for the worse we help him to the toilet as he wanted to be sick he turned and looked at our son a wished him a happy birthday and the in matter for 2 hours got told hubby would not make it 

My son spent his 17th birthday at his dads bedside we had planned that he was going to take his first driving lesson that day sadly that never happened took him a while to start driving lessons .

sadly his dad passed away early next morning but as far as my son is concerned it was his birthday as that was last time he was awake 

I lost my own dad 5 weeks befor this so he also lost his grandad 

this year it was his 18 th birthday and he really did not want to celebrate it at all no cards or gifts but at last minute he changed his mind and we had lunch with his gran and at night his uncle took him for a pint 

it's so so,hard and I really feel for you and your son a year on I thought my son was not to bad but he is now on antidepressant has started collage but most of it on line and does not see his pals because of the virus I really worry about him 

the school new at the time what had happened but where not that great with support and sadly he never sat any exams 

thinking of you all  I would say just let your son know you are there any time he wants to talk take care