I'm expressing a serious concern as tactfully as possible regarding Grief and its affect.

Hi Geoff, 

Not many people know this fact, but I take antidepressants and have done for quite some time.  I’m not a doctor so can’t give medical advice, what I can say they really help me personally by keeping everything on an even keel.   My mind is clear as a bell, they don’t zombify me, however make a big difference in keeping my mind calm and relaxed.

Just a thought.  Might be worth seeing your GP see what he says.

Take care.

Peter

Hi Geoff

I am sorry but  there are  lots of people here all for the same reason, the lost of their soul mate. I have had Guilt, Denial, and Anger, and many others have to. You posted a few weeks ago saying that you had upset some one, i did reply and said you need some help, maybe medication, counselling, or see your gp.

I have been coming here a year now, and you have been like this since then, unless you seek help things are not going to improve, only you can help your self, the drink is not helping and some one did say that to you.

Please or a fend every one here does not have the answer to your problems and can only advice you, but if you do not help yourself, we  are on a losing battle. 

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi Geoff. insulting a moderator. Thoughts of suicide. Ha. Anyone with the most basic of understanding of what we are going through would empathise. I think about not being here all the time. I don’t see the point. I consider my future. I don’t want anyone else. I’m retired so no employment to get up for   Family members rely on me for childcare - lucky me. I drink too much but who cares. I look for your posts because they are raw. You may well drink too much and then share all your pain. Reading all your posts I have never thought for one minute that you were looking for anyone here to help, advise or guide. Chuck your pain and anguish wherever you want. What’s the point in having online support If you can’t just say it as it is. Many people have suggested I seek counselling but my gp said what’s the point you know why you are sad and angry. 
get a dog. A rescue dog. You never know she/ he might rescue you. Take care my friend. 

Dear Peter and All.

Ive been on antidepressants for over 30yrs for clinical  depression and acute anxiety. Most times it works but like any other human being antidepressants DONT WORK FOR GRIEF. Grief is not an illness. Its a process we all have to go through. And anger is just a part of it.

Ellie73. I actually find a few beers every night is therapeutic as do a number of people I know who are either stressed out or experiencing depression. 

Owl58. You hit the nail on the head. THANK YOU for your understanding. And I too am retired.  And I am thinking of adopting a rescue cat. I had a lovely dog once but can't stand the idea of  'walkies'  any more LOL.

Geoff x 

Hi Geoff,

I empathise with you without reservation. There is no solution whatsoever because the very solution we all want we can't have. That is our grief in a nutshell each individual has to try and cope day in day out until it's our turn to be reunited with our beloveds however that may be. There is no one size that fits all. I have no purpose here and don't want this horrendous existance of hell either but there is no choice but to contend with it as best as we can. I hate this existance more than you'll ever know I have suffered this miserable devastating life for well over two and a half years and the only thing I look forward to is going to sleep to escape from this hell, it's the only respite I get. I utterly refuse to take any sort of medication whatsoever all it does long term is bugger up one's own immune system. Everything that comes out of a doctor's surgery is a man made chemical I will not be a guinea pig and stuff my body with man made chemicals. 

Do what you feel is right for yourself and what you are comfortable with. Take care my friend.

Cheers Crewcut

Two and a half years is a hell of a time my friend. Im just 15months into this pointless existance. My Anne was my soul mate; the very purpose behind my life. Now she's gone I review my life and find myself saying ' What is the bloody point of this existence now?' 

Geoff x

Actually it's 3 years the end of next month and your so right what is the point? I'm completely burnt out.

The old saying, "Theirs is not to reason why, theirs is but to do and die" or words to that effect. Does it help? No.

Geoff999 - Anne  loved you and saw things in you that made a 50 year relationship something really special. Nothing can take that pain away. I wonder what Anne would do if the situation was the other way round. 

I often used to say to my partner that I did not want to be the only egg in his basket . I was more sociable and and always invested in friendships as well as our relationship.  My partner was more content with being by my side. He said he was glad he was not the one having to be left behind. 

 Big backfire for me was that I realised that whilst he was not the only egg in my basket and I do have friends. he was my nest, my home, and where I belonged, and mattered, where I felt seen, held and understood. Friends cant replace that, the dogs do a fair job though.    The world feels quite unsafe sometimes. Dark thoughts are part of that. 

Hi Nellie

Thanks Nellie. I loved your post.

Geoff x

Dear Jeff and all,

I think it is a two edged sword. on one hand, of course it would be wonderful if we could express all our feelings here, including those about suicide, knowing that we are all in the same boat. and it is really annoying that moderators take posts down. What has always been annoying me about this particular forum is that you are not allowed to share any of your personal details, even though you may wish to do so. on the other hand, when you are on a forum with people some of whom might be really vulnerable at the time of your writing this, with your talking about suicide you could actually trigger that feeling off in them.

I am not a professional and please forgive me for saying this if you think that is not at all true, but I sometimes think that you should really look for professional help. only your depression, your anger, you're drinking seem to be always the same issues that you are dealing with. and a somebody else said here before, nothing can change if you don't want to change. we are all doing our best here, all dealing with her Resik loss, and There is nothing wrong with sleeping tablets or antidepressants at all and not with going to see a therapist either.

Love, mail