Hello, any suggestions for dealing with grief?

Wandering the internet, looking for people in the same boat...the titles in this forum seem to match what I'm feeling, so anchoring my good ship here for a while.

Lost my wife, aged 47, on the 16th October after a 3 and a half year battle with a rare metastatic kidney cancer. Cremation was yesterday. Obviously, the bedlam of organising this kept me occupied in the time inbetween, but now the madness has quietened, I'm really starting to feel the grief and loneliness and felt the need to share somewhere. Although we'd known it was a losing battle, the speed with which it happened really shocked us. She went for a hospital appt for a pre-assessment for immunotherapy and was kept in - a week later, they were still planning further treatments, palliative & hospice care and occ health changes to the house. A day later she was dead. With very little warning. Waiting for a phone call, possibly tomorrow, from one of the palliative nurses as I've asked for a deeper explanation of what went on those last 24 hours or so just so I can ratify it all.

But, for now, grief is a cruel mistress, there's no doubting that. Any suggestions of how to start dealing with it would be gratefully appreciated.


  • You've come to the right place for reassurance/empathy and understanding of your situation as we have been where you are and know what might be coming up for you. When 'things' quieten down from the busy times you've had and now the pace has changed all you can do is take 1 day at a time and write your questions down and note any replies given.  

    Be kind to yourself and keep posting here - it's a good community x

    Tomorrow is another day
  • HI your ship has docked.

    Sorry for the lose of your wife, and it is still early for you,

    We all go threw it at different speeds and no one is really the same, but we all know how you are feeling, and only some one that has lost  the other of them can.

    At the start i was in remote control motion and just went with it had a job to do, like you say it after the funeral when things quieten down, you then realise this has happened/

    I just did one day at a time, and had to keep busy each day to get threw it.  Then 7 days turned into a week., and then a month.

    Every here will support you, and what ever emotions you may fill some one has been there, and they can occur any day any time.

    Bootsy is right we all support each other, what ever you may be feeling rant away here, we have all had really bad day, but we carry on, its a year this month and just starting to except the fact he is not coming home, 

    I would not have got this far if it was not for the people within this group, they are my extened family, and some one always here to listen to you.

    Use this group a lot and slowly you will start to move forward though not just yet as to early .

    Take Care Ellie x

    ard, tho

    ugh not


    iii ;;

    yet as to early.


  • do not know what i done there


    1. Heart eyesx
    Tomorrow is another day
  • Hi 

    sorry for your loss Ellie and bootsyd are right come on here vent your anger or you how  are feeling some one will always listen or give you advice if they can one day at a time like Ellie said try to keep busy 

    take care 


  • Hi

    Sorry for your loss. And welcome to our group. You will get a lot of support and friends here.

    My husband had his preassessment the day before he died for chemo. That was last Christmas. He was supposed to be fine. Died suddenly the next day, thankfully at home but the shock has stayed. I never really got answers and now have decided to not put myself through hospital excuses! I am a nurse and was frankly not happy with his care! But I think for my own sanity, I decided to reflect myself, I know what was what, I expressed my opinion and I have laid him to rest. 

    I have done ok but kept insanely busy. Now I have had a few days of tears but it is a year since it all started. I will be ok again now.

    Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and rant as much as you need to.

    Take care

    Love and hugs Alison xxx

  • Hello  -  The suddeness sound very difficult - and as things get quieter after the funeral there is more time for the sadness and grief and shock and the A-Z of emotions and feelings - seems no one way or best way for managing such a difficult time. Welcome. 

  • Hello theflood.  Wellcome.  I lost my wife of 52 on 13th February this year after battling a rare uterus cancer for 3 years.   Being on here has made a difference for me, everyone here is understanding.  What I can say is it will get easier with time.  Peter 

  • Thanks, folks, it's 'good' to be with people who understand, especially the suddenness. A day at a time is certainly how I'm taking it at the moment. Just got that desperate emptiness at the moment and missing the little things like holding her hand. Finding it more difficult now as, when the funeral arrangements were underway, I had places to visit on a late-night drive to say goodnight to her - the funeral parlour, the crem. Now the ashes are at home, I just feel a little lost now the physical form has gone. Typical feelings, I know, but this grief experience is a strange business, isn't it?...Thinking

    1. Strange indeed Nerd there's  a different 'normal' if that's possible now. X
    Tomorrow is another day