FILLING TIME. I'm going down hill I'm afraid folks.

Dear Geoff,

What a shame you feel so low. You are still a young man at 74. My dad who is 75 has been on my roof fixing the leak these last two days and you sound as agile. 

You mention your lovely children. Do you have grandchildren? They may be older now. I was a late starter with my family but my two although 16 and 21 adore their grandad. My daughter still goes on holiday with him and my son drives to see him too. 

Why don't you do anything other than exist! I know you are an intelligent man. You have mentioned your job and you write with intelligence. I think you could write a book, have you thought about something like that. How about charity work? I don't mean the boring stuff but people would benefit from talking to you and your wisdom. You could consider something like an advisor in CAB or even befriending an elderly person. 

You need someone in your life, not to replace Ann, that will never happen but to look after, that is what you are lacking, that purpose. 

I don't think pills will help, you need the old you. 

Think about it. We care. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Morning Geoff sorry you feel so low at this time I get the sadness of the empty house its really a burden to us bereaved left behind and missing the love of our lives . I'm sure you have a lot to give in this world before you go anywhere. How lucky you were to have 50 years of love with Anne that is a blessing Geoff . Hope you feel better soon and back to your old self . Fifty years of happiness and love . . . Keep safe and strong.

Hi Alison,

Thanks for your guidance and suggestions x. I did indeed befriend a lovely old man in my road who lost his dear wife about 5 months before me. We actually  became good friends. He and I felt the same way about our loss so anytime either of us were down we would phone each other up. Then suddenly Tony died unexpectedly of a stroke. So yet another smack in the face for his family and myself.

And  indeed I did write a book as you mentioned shortly after retirement. It was dedicated to my son Matt; my daughter Sarah and our grandson Tom. I had to pay for its publication like so many others have to.  Of course if you are a celebrity you can write anything old thing,  get your ghost writer to tidy it all up, and  sell it in your celebrity name. Then finally announce to the media  'I've written  a book.' ?  ? ?   A  guaranteed success. Please pardon my cynicism Alison.

I am on pills for clinical depression  and acute anxiety. I'm not sure what would happen if I came off them? All a throw back during my years as a Met police officer. I've been on Citalopram for over 20yrs now. I used to be super fit before Anne passed. Cycling. Tail Chi and a difficult ancient style of Chinese standing meditation called Zhan Zhuang which I practiced at least 3 times a week for 19yrs. Once my Anne went my spark for life went too. I do non of it now and don't even have the inclination to start again. The bottom line is this Alison. I'm burnt out mentally  and spiritually. 

Love and Light 

Geoff x

Hello Geoff.

I could have written much the same. I'm coming up to 2½ years of existence.

I'm not 60 yet but don't work for health reasons so spend most of my time alone.  I do the minimum about the house. I go to bed early although sleep doesn't come easily. When I wake up I often wonder what is the point of getting up.

I have my father who I can spend time with but then I come back to the emptiness and loneliness.

Take care.

Thank you all for your contributions to my post  

Something else I've noticed is when I leave our house for any length of time,  as I walk into the living room,  the air smells so state. It's taken me awhile to work this out. It's because in the past my darling Anne was there. Her very presence created a life form energy that refreshed every room of our home.

Has anyone else noticed this ? 

Love and Light 

Geoff