Two years on nearly and it feels like I am in a void

I hear you.

I was 2 years in January and still feel I'm just existing and going through the motions.

I'm so sorry that you now have your mother to look after. As selfish as it may seem you need to look after yourself. If it's too much for you then you should speak to her doctor about getting support.

Best wishes

I to am coming up to a year now empty inside just going through each day have booked the day off work to go with family to her memorial at the crematorium not tha agony of early days just a void that can never be filled hope everyone is as weii as can be 

I think it's normal, I too, although in the early stages of my grief (6 weeks) feel there is nothing worth doing, we talked about 'after Carla' and she told me about the things I like to do, but without her to share the experiences it seems there is very little point. I visited a city we both liked (Belluno) but with no one to share with it was pretty empty.

Also I think if you have cared for your special person without wanting reward or recognition as it is the thing we do for those we love.Once that 'usefulness' has gone we are suddenly lacking purpose.

My brother put it very succinctly, he said "You're the type of guy who need to look out for others, you don't want others to lookout for you"

This I feel this is where grief affects some of us worse than others..

Thanks for your reply Wildcat it is good to hear others are feeling similar. I do feel like I am going through the motions but not really living.

With my mum I think when things get better with Coronarvirus I will try and get her a carer to come in a couple of times a week, as I think that will be a support.

Life will never be the same, he was the love of my life and I miss him so much.

Kay x

The anniversary of our love ones death is hard. Last year we went to Cambridge Botanical Gardens as it was one of his favourite places. This year I think I will go for a walk in one of the places he found just before he was ill. 
It won’t be easy. It hard to think of life without them.
Kay x

I think your brother hit it on the nail.  
I too am the sort that looks out for others and I don't want others to lookout for me.  
I can’t cope with my feelings, if I then have to cope with how someone else feels because I have told them that I am not in a good place. It is like overload.

thanks for your reply it resonated with me.

Kay x