Hi all
Think I just need to post today as its coming up for 2 years without my husband. So much has happened & yet it’s Like time hasnt moved on all that much either.
He doesn’t know about my new role at work. He hasn’t seen my son go up to senior school & my daughter finish college. He hasn’t seen my elder son graduate despite all the odds, & he so desperately wanted to hang on for that.
I cry less now, just feel so incredibly sad. My emotions are more stable but at tough times like this my concentration is rubbish. I’ve taken some time off work this week, some people are lovely they realise it’s hard for me others seem to think I should be used to this new life now. I accept he’s not coming back, I still struggle to accept that he of all people got ill & died, he was never overweight or a drinker & always very fit.
I admit I still eat too much of the wrong stuff & struggle to be motivated to do much more than go for a walk.
But, we are surviving & I think about how hard it wouldve been to keep him safe during these times. I have to be grateful that he is no longer Suffering & that at least my 3 children are old enough to have lots of memories of their dad.
But it is still so painful & unfair.
I will never really feel ‘safe’ again. I’m always half expecting the worst health wise, but think that’s a safety mechanism especially as I’ve lost 4 friends since my husband died all to cancer, all late 40s- 50
Its comforting to hear on here from some of those who have been quiet for a while, I’m so sorry to those of you that are new to the group & have found yourselves joining us. I still read all the posts.
I will miss him forever, I really hope that he knows that. I loved that man so much. Future feels scary without him, I’m 45 now but have no idea what comes next.
Love to you all, thanks for letting me just acknowledge my loss again as this anniversary approaches. As time goes on so few people want me to do that.
Sarah xx
