I am laid bare and found lacking

Dear Dorothy, It is many months since i looked at this site after originally being a Macmillan Champion following the loss of my wife 5 years ago. I just looked at those with no reply and saw your post from 5 months ago. I was married to Jean for 52 years when she passed away and never for one moment thought i would ever meet someone new, at my age , i was 80 on 30th September. But i have found love again, even at my age. Never give up and never feel guilty, you have loved and still love as i do with Jean. My new love, Valerie, lost her husband around the same time as Jean passed, our paths crossed and we fell in love. We both love our passed partners but we also love each other. Love can be found again so do not be resigned to living alone. Your late husband would not want you to be sad and lonely so take each day at a time, when you can, go out and about and meet people, you will never forget your husband but enjoy life and you never know, you may just find another love, without looking, and like i say, do not feel guilty, it is early days for you and you are still feeling your loss, in fact we never do get over our loss, we learn to live with it but we can move on eventually so don't worry about it. 

Dear Dorothy

Please don't feel like that. We never know what is around the corner. You will never loose your love for your husband but you may well love again. You have a big heart and more live to give.

I still love my first husband as well as Ric but I did start to feel again the other day, yes it didn't work out this time but that was a bad choice but I do hope I find someone to love again. I like male company. Just keep an open mind.

Look at Lizzy and Mccmc

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Dorothy maybe it's a time to reflect on how "he" would feel if you stayed in this lifestyle?

I'm not saying change how you feel but maybe just put a little of what he would make of it? How he might feel sad if he knew you were just pining..

And can you find love again? If I'm being brutally honest, I think this time I've found real love for the first time in my life, from the anxiety of it and the joy, I've never felt this way before...

There said it...

Evening everyone 

I struggled with posts like this when I first joined this group. As most of you know my marriage wasn't good.

However, since meeting Mcc I have developed a deep understanding of what it would feel like to be the same as the rest of you, to have found the love of your life and I am so sad that they are no longer with you.

Fate bought Mcc and I together and for an insecure woman who had decided that she would remain single for the rest of her life the sudden depth of feeling that I have and the love that I feel for Mcc is something that I have never experienced before.

Ladies, like Terry & Valerie, Mcc & I you will love again you have such a lot to give and deserve to be loved and who knows like us all fate may intervene again. Like Terry said you won't be looking for anyone, it will just happen.

I truly wish you the same happiness and love that I have found with the slightly quirky, very funny and extremely loveable English man who not that long ago lived hundreds of miles away in Italy and everyday I think how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Lizzy

Lizzy, we have spoken at length about this and now after spending the evening with you and your family (watching bake off! You cant get more devoted than that!) I am back at my place

I now feel maybe a tiny bit of what these folk who lose the so very special person in their lives, I feel empty and confess I miss you even though we were together less than two hours ago. So Dorothy I may understand a tiny bit of how you feel...

Dorothy - your phrase intertwined & layered struck me - how separation is more than stepping aside when you are blended together. And eltell12 thank you for picking up an unanswered post - 

Thank you all. Yes. I know.

Yes, you know.  

I stopped visiting the site because of the increased moderator activity, to be honest. Also, it makes me cry to write things down when I thought I was so strong. At the beginning I was busy just being there for Andy, and I find that everything revolves around him even more now he is not here. 

When we were both working, I could concentrate on the day at hand, sure in the knowledge we would be together again that evening. Now I think about his absence constantly, and he is never out of my mind for more than 5 minutes. It's driving me nuts. I know it will ease in time, but at the moment I am just, well, sick, broken, 1 dimensional and looking completely competent, normal and coping well. 

I am not in any way averse to meeting someone else, but I just think it's unlikely there is another perfect soulmate out there. I had already settled for a near perfect marriage which lasted 28 years, but when Andy came into my life, I could settle no more and the last 22 years were just everything I never thought could happen (including the arguments). We were so alive.

I am not thinking or looking for anyone else. I just need to come to terms with this crippling void, without alienating friends and family who are doing their best to understand.

But again, thank you all for listening - these are not the sort of thoughts I can share with my family, or Andy's.

Keep on takin' the tablets xxx

Sue