Our wedding anniversary

Thinking about you xxx

That is lovely Ebony, it is lovely you have good memories, they last forever, no one can take them away.

Good memories  is what gets us threw this stage we are at.

He will always live on through the memories you have. and the lovely tree.

Ellie x

Hi Ebony,

I thought about you as I went through our first Anniversary on 30th April without my darling Bob but I don't think I dealt with it very well. I was a sobbing snivelling wreck unable to get out of bed. I lay there cuddling Bobs ashes, his photo, covered in his shirt had our Wedding Album in bed and huge box of tissues. I was unable to speak to anyone who called me it was aweful. I cried until I was nearly sick.

Ali from this site messaged me and said she hoped I could go for my run. Come 5.00pm when I was still in PJ's this message came to me and I thought why not. So glad I did as I was running along a lane and a little robin flew across my path and landed just a couple of feet away from me on a branch and I stopped and looked straight into his eyes and he sang to me (My bob was a singer) what a sign when I needed it most but of course was in floods of tears again but if I hadn't have gone I would not have received this sign. Such is the power of this site and friendships and support from people reading these posts and supporting eachother.

I took this day for what it was and the following day I felt a lot better. I've been feeling very sorry for myself last few days, eating rubbish and feeling sluggish so today I have given myself a shake and going to get back to healthy eating and being productive (Lets see show that goes) i'll keep you updated. This weeks aim is to decorate a bedroom i'm converting into a Grandchildrens bedroom, New furniture ordered and going to attempt to paint for the first time ever. I've also ordered a new smart TV which is coming Wednesday so setting that up on my own could be interesting but if I can do these things this week I will feel proud of myself.

Thanks for listening everyone and for support.

I'm 15 weeks into this horrendous journey.

Sheila

Hi Shelia

Well done. It is so hard to stay positive, I have had a couple of difficult days. I am on annual leave. I am fed up with work and the attitude from them because I have asthma! I live in the South West!!! I feel like I have the plague! 

I sorted my garage Saturday, I have a huge pile for the recycling centre, one to sell and I managed to finish sorting Ric's things. It was sad but I have just found it all a proper home. 

I have one cupboard left to sort, nothing of Ric's there but some of my first husband who also passed away. Strangely, loosing Ric has helped with my grief for Simon.

I have some planting to do which I will do.today as the cupboard can wait until it rains tomorrow! Then apart from a fence to paint, all done! But I have an empty summer to fill!! I can't see our holiday being allowed.

I am sure you will manage all your goals. I have always done the decorating but I would struggle with the telly. Ric was good to with the telly. But I have a son that does those sort of things for me!! 

Hope you have a positive week. We can do this, it would be easier if we were not on lockdown though 

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Shiela

I was thinking about you too and have been ever since Thursday and wondering if your ok, I’m so pleased you have been able to post today.

You did deal with the day well, you went with what you were feeling and that is what is best for you. 

it’s great that a lovely Ali’s message gave you encouragement to go on your run and you got that wonderful sign from Bob ️ Your Bob is definitely following you around as a robin. ️

Yes, good idea about decorating, I have too to  have something to focus on. I’ve had some great accomplishments and also some disasters but it’s all a learning curve. I look on YouTube videos for help and also signed up to DIY/gardening sites and the members are so helpful.

I still have all my husbands clothes but I’ve put them in the spare room, for me seeing them in our room had them opposite effect on me and made me so upset. I know where they are and go in and smell them and touch them when I want to.

ive had teddies made from some of his clothes for the girls in the family which I will gift when lockdown is over, mine is made from his dressing gown and football top, it’s so soft and I cuddle into that, gives me so much comfort. 

I started yesterday upset but I got through it, my daughter said she would call over, at a safe distance and drop a Sunday lunch off for me. She arrived with it and a gorgeous hamper she made up with all my favourites, also a gorgeous card saying it is an happy anniversary as he is still with you and not everyone gets to have we we have got and to focus on the great memories. That helped me so much.

I hope your decorating goes well, don’t be put off by little set backs mind, if anything we will be giving our husbands a good laugh, I know when I tripped over the dust sheet last week, went through the middle of the step ladder and ended up with the paint spilt up the wall my Davey would have been crying with laughter.

sending love and hugs 

Karen

Hi Ebony,

Thank you for your message, hope I don't trip over like you did and hope it looks ok. I just spent a fortune on test pots and now habe blobs of paint all over the walls and none of them a right so I suppose it was money well spent. Back to drawing board.

Yes I believe my little robin is a sign from my Bob so hope he keeps visiting me and my children told me that everytime the grandchildren see a Robin they shout out "Grandad Bob" which is lovely but also makes me sad that he won't see our lovely Babies grow up as he loved them all very much.

I've been busy today and lets see if I can keep this up for rest of the week.

My daughter is a great dressmaker and she is going to make me a teddy out of some of Bobs clothes but her baby is due in 3 weeks so bit pre occupied for now but she has made some beautiful one's for friends so I know mine will be beautiful. I currently sleep with one of his soft shirts which now smells more of tears and snot that him I think but will never be washed as I can still smell him on it. I have a little bedtime ritual, cuddle his ashes, lie in bed draped in his shirt with his picture on my chest and tell him about my day or more often than not beg him to come back or help me in some way or another, kiss the photo and put it on the pillow next to me and then try and sleep. Sounds crazy but seems to work for me.

Just off out for a run now, weekly shop done so been quite productive today, Tomorrow I might be in floods of tears who knows how these emotions hit us.

Keep going everyone out there at this aweful time, we are doing this!

Sheila