Lockdown...

Hi Grannysmith

The lock down is not helping and the numbers really hit home, in more ways than one.

Everyday is a different journey in the grief process and we can only try our best and try to cope with what we are feeling though not easy

I have had a few good days, but today it hit home he is not here, as my lung nurse phoned to say about my ct which is due as i have C as well.

I was diagnosed well before my hubby and he was my rock and kept me going, and now he is not here to hold me up, it was not meant to be like that.

So i will try and be strong for him as that is what he would want, he was the one that kept me going, i am learning how to look after his garden, and after being out there for five hours today i sat down with a cup of tea, and behold a robin came down and walked all over the grass and it looked like he was taking note for me this was him making sure i had done it right.

You will get there one day at a time, be kind to yourself

Take Care Elliexx

Hi Ellie

Oh my goodness I am so sorry - it must be so very hard for you.  I just can’t imagine what you’re going through.  Stay positive - and safe.   

I have been gardening and sad that the robin has left the garden.  Lost mum a couple of years ago and the robin visited the garden often.  Take comfort.  I’m still waiting for signs...

take care, 

V. x

Hi V

Its six months since he passed and i to have been waiting for signs i new i would get one.

The first one was Monday of this week, could see sometime floating out of the kitchen window went out to see what it was, and it then floated down and i put my hand out and it fell straight into my palm a white feather. Then on Tuesday went to bed had to get up in the middle sign of getting old and got back into bed and some one said goodnight  out loud and i replied goodnight.

So it has been a more positive week for me, i do believe in the spirit world and i knew he would take his time, but made up for it this week.

You Take Care as well.

Take Care Ellie xx

Morning Ellie.  A new day, wonder how it will go.

Thanks for the glimmer of hope.  I’ve been in lockdown with my daughter but just had to come home for a couple of days.  When I went to bed slap in middle of pillow was something sharp.  On investigation a large feather had worked it’s way through the pillow, pillow protector and was sticking through the pillow case....a sign? He said he would always be with me...

V. Xx

Hi All,

Like everyone i'm also really struggling at the moment. 12 weeks into this grieving process for me and last few days feel like I've been going backwards. This isolating is not helping as i'm doing it alone. I have a big family locally but can't see any of them and last night I sobbed and sobbed just begging for him to come back. I'm so very lonely and the thought of the rest of my life like this fills me with dread and fear.

I have also been receiving signs. I was on my knees gardening the other day with tears rolling down my cheeks as I never gardened it was my Bob's job and I feel I have to keep it to his standards and a white feather just fell in front of me almost as if he was telling me I was doing a good job. I also see a little robin nearly every day at some point in the day. I run and usually one flys in front of me and stops and sings to me. My bob was a singer so I feel this robin is him singing to me as he used to do. I now have one on my front lawn that is letting me get closer and closer each day and I keep hoping eventually it would come and land on my hand but I don't think this will happen but I live in hope.

Each day I wake up and tell myself to be structured and busy but finding that harder and harder as the weeks go on so I do think i'm slipping into a slight depression and struggling to stop myself from slipping, clinging on by my finder nails.

What can we do it's just so bloody hard. Any sugestions or do I just have to keep going and trying to remember the good times.

Sheila 

Hi Shelia,

I am feeling the same. Lots of little things upsetting and getting to me. I am fortunate that my children are still at home and this helps and I go out to work albeit a bit harder at.the moment.

I too have had a few little signs recently and it is like he is saying keep going, I know you are strong and fight for me. It is a fight again at the moment. I would give anything for a hug and a heated discussion on covoid! We would have had to disagree!!! 

I like to.be busy, my coping mechanism! I am starting to run out of jobs. I can't sort the garage with the recycling centers closed..

No words of wisdom I am afraid Shelia but we can fight on together.

Take care.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Morning Sheila

My darling man passed on 10th January and I am feeling the same.  Lockdown coincided with a visit with my daughter for my birthday/Mother’s Day so I stayed but just had to come home this week for a couple of days as I was getting lower and lower.  It’s good to be here but I do look around and expect him to be there which sets me off.

Like you I’m needing suggestions, but having joined this group and sharing my thoughts is a comfort.  You have the right idea by structure which he drummed into me - a purpose - and also to remember our family are grieving too and to help them.  The grief is the hardest.

one day at a time Sheila, one day at a time....

Virtual hug.

V. X

Hi all, 

We all seem to be going through the same thing. I definitely feel that I have taken a step backwards and am crying a lot more than I was. Sobbing when I walk the dog and begging him to come back even if only for 5 mins for a cuddle, and crying myself to sleep which i haven't done for weeks.

Life really is very testing at the moment. Take care everyone.

Ali x

Hi Everyone

Looks like the threads all have something in common keep busy if you can.

Must say it does make me fill a lot better mentally. Well today sort his shed out he had two this was an old one and he wanted it pulled down last year.

Out i go i think he must have saved everything, his  motto was just in case you might need it, or some one else might.

What a load of rubbish he saved, i now have 7 Black Bags tied up more tomorrow to do, i now have four bar stools, old pump's, bag of metal you name it he seemed to keep it. all out the front of the house waiting for rubbish man to collect,

It has made me fill a little better and my next door neighbor  will knock it down for me when i have got the rest of it out, and lock down is lifted

My daughter popped round she only lives 10mins away and we had a chat over garden gate,   then later my eldest grandson popped round again chatting over gate

Both had a moan at me for working so hard said i should have waited well there is no one here and not allowed in.

I have 12 weeks to do and there is only so much siting down i can do.

I hope you all have managed  quiet a good day and hopefully tomorrow even better.

Take Care Stay Safe

Ellie xx

Hi granny my wife would have said the same about copying but it is simply not so over nine months and I'm still struggling with it so I'm sure with the help of everyone on here you will get through this tse2.mm.bing.net/th