Funny old day!

I know what you mean, I woke this morning and had no idea what to do with myself. Nobody next to me to say "what shall we do today? or do you fancy doing this?". 

He had a favourite cafe we used to go to on Saturdays for his full English breakfast. I was going to put my 'big girl pants' on today and pop in for a coffee as I was nearby. But the memories flooded back and i couldn't go in. When he was ill it was his goal to be well enough to go and have his breakfast. On one occasion he thought he felt well enough to go but by the time he'd got ready he was too tired and had to go back to bed. He never made it back there.

We used to sit in that cafe chatting about our plans for the day, holidays, the future etc. and now I don't even seem capable of planning what's for dinner!

I feel like my life ended too, I can't imagine another 30 years or so of this meaningless existence.

Love and hugs. Ali x

I understand where you are at too,its so hard.I am now back at work and finding it so hard coming home to find Micky not here to talk about my day.Everyone at work thinks I am doing so well getting back to work after 3 months off and say I am strong,but I dont feel strong am just taking it a day at a time,its not their fault in praising me as they cant truly know what I am going through as none of them have lost their husband or partner,so they cant get all the intricacies of how our mind works or doesn't work with suffering our loss.Thank goodness for this site where we can air our feelings.

Love & hugs Laura x 

Hi Ali and Laura, 

I am fed up with being told I am doing well. Yes on the outside I am but I am crying buckets now! I had arranged to have a tree taken down next week, Ric had been nagging me for ages about it! A huge boygh has just come down on my neighbours extension roof! I don't think it has done damage and he was ok but it is dark and I can't do much at the moment about it do I have ended up in tears! Not like me but it has finished my day off! 

Ali, there were a couple of little things like that cafe that Ric wanted to do so desperately and never managed either! It upsets me that he couldn't! 

Feeling really sorry for myself now!!! Xxx

Hi I know exactly how you feel ...we had a lot of things recorded on our box thing I had to delete them as I new I could never watch them ..my hubby had the tv on all the time ..I found it really hard to put in on during the day  even now I can't seem to put it on till late afternoon and I am in house a lot as I am disabled and don't go out much ...it's all so very very hard I even cancelled a lot of our TVs package in case I put something on that hubby watched by his self .

there is no easy way to get through this ..I lost my hubby begin of sept 19 and like you finding it harder as time goes on ...and seem to cry a lot more now ...I got my son today to move his Dads cd stands out of living room ..got rid of pic and all that goes with it ..my hubby used to sit for hours at it buying fishing tackle of eBay lol ..it was on it last legs but I new I could not go on it ...son move some of the furniture about in living room hopefully that will help ..it's all so very hard 

to the outside folk think you are doing not to bad but at home it's a total different story ..keep posting and big hugs to you ..I could just go a bit of your roast I never seem to cook any more ..just buy microwave dinners ..but your roast sounds so nice lol x

Hi Akela2516, thats hit home with me, me and the wife had a few series that we would only watch together and the walking dead was one of them along with game of thrones.

As you know each episode would always finish on a cliff hanger and we used to debate what would happen next. Silly things like that I really miss now x

Hi Akela2516 When we were told my husband had 6 weeks to live Rob said oh well I suppose I will know how Game of Thrones end. I too can’t bear to watch anything or go anywhere that bring back memories.I feel guilty that I’m here and he isn’t.I am 22 months into this life and like all of us here people at work tell me how strong I am but as we all know no-one sees the real us.I think I have become really good at hiding the real me.I wish I could go back and just be the real boring-fed up with hearing about football me!,,,

My dear friends 

I've read everyone of your posts and all of what you good people  say rings bells with me. And so I can't add very much more other than to say that I too cannot bear to watch recorded TV series that Anne and I were following because my  beloved cannot now enjoy them alongside me. As such I have no idea how Game of Thrones ended  and to be honest I have no interest either. They have all been deleted.

Bless you all

Love and Light

Geoff

And I thought it was just me being silly about the telly series!!! 

Thank you all. Perhaps I am not so daft after all but it is one of the things I miss most. He couldn't do much other than watch his telly. Xxx

No, not daft at all, I'm the same. We have loads of  half watched series on our sky box. I just don't want to watch them without Mark. In his final weeks he had the TV on all day, watched absolute rubbish. After he went I didn't have it on for weeks, just sat there in the dark with my thoughts. My daughter would come home and say "Mum you haven't even got the telly on!". Funny thing is it's all I seem to do now, for hours and hours over the weekend!

I've woken in tears this morning as I had an overwhelming urge to snuggle into his chest. Tears are streaming down my face as I type and I have his jumper on as it's cold. He was like a hot water bottle!

It's my support group this morning and we have to take a photo in. Do you know I can't find a decent photo of him, it's so sad but he took all the photos. 

Hope you all have an ok day. 

Love and hugs  Ali x