Hi Everyone Just One Word

Hi Ellie I go to my wife's memorial at the crematoria and even after 8 months I still can not leave without being in tears I'm hoping for a day to come when I can life is so hard isn't it 

Hi Newb

It is the hardest thing any one has to go threw i would think. I am sick of talking to  my self, mind you always get the answer i want.

Its true unless you  have experienced grief  how can any one know.

I do say that to the kids, yes it was their, but they have jobs, children and partners , there lives go on.

I do not know where mine is going, every one saying join this join that, i do not want to. 

Sick of counting the tiles in the kitchen, mind you i could clean them but can not be bothered, nothing has any meaning at the moment, who am i a lost soul.

Like others we where together a long long time a life time.

How do you start a new life when your in your autumn years.

Take Care Ellie xx

"You ever Walk A Lone"

It is very hard I to had to cancel a cruise my wife was in tears it had been booked for a year I said that's OK we can go next year I will have had my radiotherapy and you your chemotherapy 3 weeks later she had passed away half way through my treatment I have been trying to start a different life alone but without much success one step forward 3 back it might pick up a little when summer comes and we can keep busy I hope 

I know exactly what you mean Ellie,I have had a couple of cards to send for birthdays over past few weeks & never thought of the impact it had on me til then of just writing my name instead of my husband's as well,it hits you like a thunderbolt & the reality strikes. Something you are so used to doing as a partnership be it writing cards or even when talking to someone saying 'we' do this or that & realising that it is just 'I' the singular really hits home.

Take Care

Laura x  

Newb

I had 3 years treatment every three weeks and last one was 24th December 2018 and was going away April 2019.but hubby got diagnosed on the 20th December four days before my last, but was to ill from the start.

Life is just not fair at times we had not had a holiday the whole time i was on treatment

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone".

Hello Laura I just thought I would say my lovely Ron passed 3 years ago and I have never just put my name on any cards. I always put my name and then Ron my angel in the sky and everyone loves it I even have had Christmas cards with my name and then your Angel. Our family love it and it still feels he is here and never ever will be forgotten. Sending you love and hugs on this horrible journey we are all on. xx Carol xx 

Oh Carol that is so lovely. I didn't send Christmas cards last year as I couldn't bare to not put Mark's name on them, he had only been gone 3 weeks. It broke my heart writing our children's cards from just "Mum". Now when I write birthday cards etc. I have to double check before I put them in the envelope to make sure I've not put his name of I've been rushing. It's so hard after 37 years. 

Ali x

Hello Ali The first Christmas when my Ron passed I couldn"t send any cards at all it was too painful. We were married nearly 51 years and I miss him so much. Just to say I even put Dad or Grandad our Angel in the sky to our lovely family and grandchildren who have grown now but they love it. I know if Ron were here he would love it and so proud that he is always mentioned on different occasions when a card is sent. I just can"t bear to think of a card with just my name.  We all have to do  everything that helps us in our grief which of course our life will never be the same but we have to try so hard to carry on as they would want us too. We always said to each other that who ever goes first it we are still married to each other. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it  really does I love him more now than I ever thought I could. Love and hugs to you. xxx Carol xxx

Ian / newb

I too had to cancel a cruise, we booked it 7 months before my Amanda died, I didn't cancel till after she passed, and had lots of issues with the insurance, but they did pay out eventually.

We also had a massive family holiday booked, our 4 children, partners, and grandchildren, been planning it for 2 years, but after the diagnosis, I changed it to the following year, thinking operations chemo radiotherapy, she wont be able to travel then the consultant said its terminal. After she passed, I just removed her from the booking, she passed a week before we were due to initially go.

We're due to go without her this year  I have mixed feelings, but we will go for the family particularly the grandchildren, I know it's going to upset me but I will put on a brave face for the grandsons.

How our lives have changed, I can say in some things I'm doing better now, the loneliness is bad, but at 7 months I can accept some things I found impossible before. Things we shared a passion for, I know I neglect now, thankfully I've gone back to an old hobby, it's technically challenging, and helps with personal interaction  with new friends.

We each do what we need to, trying to make what's left of our broken lives more bearable.  Dont think I could ever bear to go cruising again without her though.

Gary

Hi Gary yes our kids wanted to go on a holiday but don't think I could face it I also had problems with insurance got it eventually I to could never go on a cruise again we had been on one before and enjoyed it so much we booked another with the kids and grandkids they did go so at least someone enjoyed it we got messages while she was in hospital but went downhill very fast with going to addenbrooks for radiotherapy for me  and going back to hospital to be with her it was very hard