waves

Hey lovely, came on here, first time in a while and saw your post. You might wish I hadn't responded... My fella died in June last year, i'm mostly 'normal services returning' then, BaM, not. I'm learning tho, that that's ok and maybe the new 'normal ' and maybe I need to look for that bit extra help, support ot just let these feelings happen.x All our experiences are different. Hugs to you.x

Thank you. I have been to a support group for one session which I did find  tough but useful. The best part I found was being encouraged to talk about my partner. Other people around me seem to be wary about that......they might make me cry!!! yes I probably will but I need to talk about her. I hate the new 'normal'! 

it definitely helps to talk to people on here 

Hello Witches,

I have read your message, I feel for you and how you are feeling. At the end you ask "How do people ever mover forward" and all I can tell you is how I have found it.

I have often thought how I can explain how my grief affects me, and the only way I can describe it is like this. My grief is like an ocean and at the beginning I found myself set sail as an inexperienced sailor in a small boat in a force 10 gale. I felt utter sadness, frightened and exhaustion as I was bashed around by the storm. The storm could last days or hours but eventually passed and I found myself on calmer water, better able to cope, but still feeling the loneliness, fear and exhaustion. Another storm, maybe not as big as the last one, approached and passed, and I felt the same. As time went by I become a better sailor and better at  riding out the storms. The storms became further apart, the waves smaller and not so brutal and in the periods of calm between them I began to find a level of peace and began to enjoy time with my boys, family and friends. Along the way people would throw life buoys and ropes to help me, and sometime I was surprised at the ones who did.  Like all storms you never know when they are coming, but you can predict some around those special dates, Birthdays, anniversaries and days that were special to us both.

So now here I am exactly 3 and a half years to the day since I lost my husband and I can say that for a while, for me, my grief is mostly calm, occasionally it is a little choppy with the odd freak wave that will hit me a little harder. I think of him daily and I still miss him, I think I always will, but I have good family and great friends who help put a smile on my face. It is not the life I wanted but it is a life I can live with and hopefully as things progress I will one day be able to say, it is a life I am happy with.

Take care of yourself x

I haven't tried a support group and recently wondered about counselling, but...

Glad you were encouraged to talk about your partner, I don't see how we can't when they were/are such a big part of our lives. I recognise the look I get from some people when I talk about him but there are some friends/family that's easier with and yep, I cry too. X