What is your blanket

Hi again Rolf 

I too am on anti depressants mate. 40mg of Citalopram a day. Been on them for over 30yrs. The joys of being old bill  I not sure I entirely agree with your doctor but it is a viable point of view but  only you can come to the truth of what you truly feel. I'm lucky I don't need a comfort blanket because of my pedigree. Yes I grieve with pain like all of us do but as bizarre as it sounds Anne visits me every day and as I've mentioned before the amazing things that have happened in the house since her passing. But yes mate. Perhaps on reflection it could be called a comfort blanket. Yet as a wise man once said to me. 'Labels can sometimes be unhelpful.' 

Love and Light 

Geoff

My warm blanket is this forum and the fact I try not to think too deeply abo. ut things. I really have to try and get a grip when I feel myself getting too low. Doesn't always work but there are some dark places I try not to revisit x

Hi Geoff again too.

I'm was on 300mg venlafaxine. I suffered from extreme nightmares. I mean the most vivid and real and horrific stuff. I wake up feeling so fucking stressed and angry, I wake tand I am punching what's left t if my pillow.

I've also been a life long depressive. Since about 25years old. My soul mate, my Audrey helped me threw it all. She's left me now fir what I hope is a better place. Bloody hell I need her to help me. So I get you mate. 

Hi nredind friends, your name says it all. 

Love to you xxxxxx 

I am listening to a yoiu tube video by Robert Sapolskski entitled Nero science behind behavior.

Its off topic of this forum but in a way not. 

Up to you

Xxx 

Hi Rolf 

SHIT ! You've been through the mill mate!  I wish I had the answer but I don't. No one has the answer to our individual needs. All we can do is take one day at a time whilst clutching at straws. Take care Rolf my friend.

Love and Light 

Geoff x

Hello,

Maybe I am going off on a tangent. My blanket was my husband. 

Dealing with his illness, we found strength together to deal with it and make the most. Losing him was like losing my security blanket. I was so lost. Somehow bit by bit I am finding my strength again.

I also read a lot. I wanted to understand what I was going through and find some meaning. The time spent alone, reading and reflecting helped. I also accept sometimes there are no answers!

I cope with making the most of the moment, right here right now. Its important not to isolate yourself and try to find some balance. For me it was regulary attending yoga classes and meeting up with friends (believe me there were and still are times I don't want to, but find when I do I always enjoy it) . There is always a reason to smile if you look for it. I also find having a creative endeavour helps you to focus on right now. Again for me, its gardening and writing poems.

The last year or so has been the most traumatic/difficult year I have ever had to deal with. I have also lost my go to person at work.

I am slowly regaining my confidence and still working out who I am without my security blanket. I still feel very sad/a bit lost at times and miss him lots. However, I also make the most, like we used to do together.

With lots of love, 

Dutsie Xx

Hi,

Like you, Rolf, I've spent the past year reading and listening to things about the afterlife and also everything I could find on grief. Maybe it was/ is a security blanket but I've been looking for answers that perhaps do not exist. I don't see anything wrong with that. We've been confronted with the greatest mystery and we need to process that. I've also done a lot of writing to help relieve some of the pain.

As for human interaction, I admit I haven't done much of that. I've socialized a bit when the occasion has arisen but I still don't feel like mixing with a lot of people at a time. Since my husband's death, I've been invited to events with biggish groups of people, which only made me more depressed. I can only handle one-on-one situations and they have to be with people who're not too invasive. I prefer my loneliness to being smothered.

My husband was my security blanket, too, Dutsie, so now I'm protecting myself as best I can. I still feel so bloody vulnerable and sensitive and lost.

Hi Limbo,

I lost my soul mate of 40 years, nearly 2 years ago and it still hurts just as much now as it did then. Like you, I find groups of people very hard to deal with IF I have been invited out to join them. I have found that having groups come to me, on my own turf and on my own terms. Your phrase, 'my loneliness to being smothered' is so much how I feel most of the time. We are having a family gathering at the end of the month to bury her ashes and it's an event I am dreading,

Sometimes I wonder if I should be "moving on" by now but I just know that I'm not ready to do that - if I ever will be. A friend asked me out to the pub recently and when I declined the offer, he said that some day, a friend will tell me it's time to forget and move on. That day, that friend will cease to be a friend.

Keep strong and remember all the good times

xx

Dutsie   like your post, most of which is how I'm currently feeling. 

I feel I've changed over the last year, I'm certainly not who I used to be. I'd like to think I'm moving forward, I will always love my soulmate. I will never forget her. But I feel able to do more than I could, last year.

Gary