Valentine's Day

I woke up to a Facebook memory pop up from over 10 years ago wishing her Happy Valentines. Shared it with a special message of my own and got a lot of support from my friends and family.

I came home with my flowers and put them on her memorial drawer. My step daughter loved them, gave me a hug and said that today must be hard for me. I cooked us Spaggy Boul, mine and her mums fave. Step daughter has long gone to bed but I'm still sitting here late pining for my soul mate. 

I have bought my wife's ashes a little closer to hy bed and I'm listening to gone with the wind on YouTube. 

It's just started tobftive hike. 

Ivebbeenbhiddingnall day.. I mean yesterday, valintines day.. 

I miss her so much. I can't stand it at times like this. 

So I get pissed. 

Xxx

Fair enough Rolf, we all have  our ways of coping, hopefully it helped you sleep. I didn't have a drink as it makes me very emotional and I'd be a sobbing, snotty wreck! (I always suffer with a hangover in the morning too). 

I went to bed in my hubby's jumper. Don't know why, it smells of me now not him!

Take care of yourself. Ali x

Well I bought a balloon but haven't released it yet. I posted on his FB page and sent him a message on messenger. I felt odd with nothing from him. 

I gave my kids their usual cards and choccy heart's! Just because I always do it. 

One of the girls at work bought a valentine's cake in. Nice thought. But then I found out one of the other girls was struggling like me and had lost her husband last march to cancer. She had a hard day too. She had kept it to herself for some while my colleague had thought she was odd! Just goes to show you don't know what others are going through sometimes. Today is a new day!!! Xxx

I also cuddled my husbands shirt Ali I think I’ve sniffed all the smell out it now and soaked it in tears. I had a busy day today with my daughter and three grandchildren but getting home and not being able to tell my husband was so hard and I cried again. Why can’t we all have our loved ones back one last time I just want his strong arms around me one last time. I told Bob I wouldn’t cope without him and as always I was right! I so want to open a bottle but I know my tears will be alcohol induced and then feel worse tomorrow. Will it ever get any easier. I know I’m only 4 weeks into this grieving process but god it hurts so much.

Sheila.

Hi Sheila it hurts like hell I know but on this site we are all in the same club the not wanting to be in club it does get less painfull but never goes away in my first months I looked for signs feathers and dreams perhaps it's my imagination but I did get signs and a few dreams so my belief is they are always with us and trying to help us through this this site is also a god send it's helps you can rant on here and no one judge's you

Hi Sheila

Its still early days still, its four months for me and the last two weeks have been  bit more bearable.

Though a few occasions have really bought me down, but it did not last as long.

I talk to  hubby  lot, still tell him what i am doing, who has been in and what is going on within the family, it helps me and i have come to the conclusion if that helps then so be it, do what is best for you.

My daughter is off to the Caribbean this week, my hubby knew she was going, and he wanted to go,  and a little bit of him will be.

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone"

Hi everyone,  I've been doing a lot better recently, 7 months on, I miss her still every day, but have been  able to function in myself.

I found valentines day particularly difficult, I was sad all day had lots of tears and it's all because:

I had been with Amanda for about three years, and friends for a couple of years before that, her parents had taken her abroad and I found that for the first time in my life I so missed her each and every day. I remember being in tears for months waiting for her to return. She came back to the UK in December and within a day we were back together. On valentines day 1973, she took the ladies prerogative and asked me to marry her, I of course said yes. I would have asked her anyway, as the intense feeling of being without her was just overwhelming. We were married 3 months later.

What I came to realise yesterday was that I had never missed anyone or anything in my life as I did back then when we were apart, that is until losing her to cancer. Valentines day brought back not just the feeling of missing her all those years ago but of how much more I miss her now.

I bought a bunch of red Rose's and took them to her memorial stone, I said my piece, but with a sadness I had largely got through over these past few months, but now so intense and real again.

So I had a pretty rotten day, a few happy memories but a day of great loss and that feeling of grief and missing her that just wont go away.

Today was slightly better, but I know I'm never going to stop missing her as long as I live.

Hope you dont mind  me sharing, were all in this together on the same journey, one we never chose.

I just felt so utterly down yesterday.

Hope your all faring better than I did yesterday. Tomorrows another day.

Gary

Hi Glostp.

That came straight from the heart and so glad you put it into word's.

Some times it makes you fill a little better to write it down, as every one here understands.

Unless you have been threw this no one can, my children do not truly understand how i fill even though they have lost their dad.

Like you was married for a long time, the best and most precious memories which for me is his legacy and will be for every more.

Life goes on so they say, and its getting a little easier four months down the line but life will never be the same.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for each and every one here.

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone"