Wicked game

Dear Limbo 

I listened to your link by Megan Devine. It was so interesting and I could identify with most of what she said whilst learning a lot at the same time. Thank you.

Love and Light 

Geoff

Hi Limbo

Its been 8 weeks since I lost my husband Micky,I can see where you are coming from as I lost both my brother & mother suddenly within the past 4 years and in time I have stopped crying etc as much for the loss of them but the grief is still very much there,but losing my husband is on yet another level.My friends & family think I am doing well as I function and am going back to work next week,but its that huge wave of grief that hits me when I am on my own that is hard to bear,I can cry for hours then pick myself up & start again trying to get through it,it certainly does help by crying & groaning with or without friends and family to witness it.I do hope as time goes on I can become stronger & reduce my tears a bit. 

Best Wishes

Laura x

Laura,

I also lost my mum 18months ago to osephageal cancer and at the time my partner was my absolute rock. I thought losing mum was the hardest thing ever.....well I soon learnt that wasnt the case. Losing my partner 10 weeks ago has, as you said, taken things to a complete higher level and this time I have no Rock. Friends and family are there but in different ways.  People keep telling me I am being amazing but they dont see me behind closed doors when the curtains shut out the world and there it is.....your on your own! At times it does feel unbearable c

Sandra

I lost my mother in law 18months ago my son 2 years ago my mother 3years ago my wife 7 months now it is more painfull than losing my son I thought that was hard but my wife horrendous 

Sandra

I now exactly what you mean everyone thinks I am doing amazingly well but like you say behind closed doors without your rock being there it is a different story.

Best Wishes

Laura x  

hi limbo.

your post could have been written by me, I am at the same length of time as you, yers the grieving is not as harsh, but `I have a deep deep sadness within me

I actually did all my howling before he died, I found out later  I experienced anticipatory grief before he died, I honestly though Was going to have a heart attack, my chest was so "heavy"

I doesn't matter what form your grief takes , it is ok that's how your mind and body needs to react

I also get flashbacks of his last hours ,I find it so distressing

My thoughts are with everyone on this thread x

There’s a few comments in this thread that I have been pondering in my life lately. 

When people ask me how I am my stock answer has always been ‘yeah I’m okay’ even now if I can’t get away with ignoring the question or changing the subject and they persist then I give the same answer.

I can’t even think how to explain the truth, how I miss the little things she did that made me laugh, how I used to ring her a few times a day just to hear her voice, how I used to wolf whistle her when she got undressed and the way she would always wiggle her arse in reply making me smile. The numerous other little silly things we did that put a smile in my heart. The love we lived. How can you explain that to someone else?

i still go to work, talk to customers, see friends and have a laugh and am ‘okay’

its only when I get home or am on my own somewhere that I’ll open that other box, the grief I have is like the love we had, personal and can’t be explained.

Dennis

Hi Lancashirelass,

I suppose I must have gone through anticipatory grief too. I remember when we got the diagnosis, I used to get up early, go on the couch and weep. I also used to go into my co-workers' offices and cry my heart out to them but nothing had prepared me for the real thing. It did not take away the slightest ounce of pain in the months that followed his death.

Just before writing this post, I phoned my sister to cry about the suffering he went through after an operation the doctors deemed necessary. It was a preventive measure but I still wonder if it was worth having him go through the hell he did in the last months of his life.

I think all these memories were triggered by a friend who was worried about his ex-wife's health. Just mention doctors and hospitals to me, and up comes everythng you'd prefer to bury deep, deep down.

Hi Dennis,

You've hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what they said in a podcast that I listened to yesterday. Grief is lonely because it's about the personal, intimate relationship we had with the other person. We cannot explain it because it's a whole world that was ours and that we have lost.

Thanks Limbo. At one point I thought I was getting a split personality. I figured out people really can’t empathise unless they’ve been there and it’s not their fault, they really are trying to help but they can’t understand. So I live in the world that everything’s ‘okay’ whilst in reality grief has taken my soul to a level I didn’t even know existed.

if I can find a positive (this was my wife’s mantra, she always found a positive) it would be that we can use this to help/empathise with dear family or friends who might go through this horrific experience themselves or indeed help them when it comes to our time of passing. 

Dennis x