8 weeks down the line

Hi AliG55 I am so sorry for your loss. It is not an easy road to travel. How old are your children. My wife died in July she had melanoma and was told a year ago she was all clear, after getting 49 lymph nodes removed . But returned in January and was also starting immunotherapy. Like your husband she had two sessions of it but it had spread to her brain. She died 4 weeks after that. 
it’s just over six months for me now like you I walk the dog clean the house and try to carry on as normal. But it will never be normal again . When I am alone I still have a good cry , life doesn’t seem to have any meaning anymore and the future looks bleak. .

sorry this won’t help you much. 
take care. Mike 

Thanks for replying Mike, my husband's was also melanoma, frightening to think about really. My kids are grown up 18 and 22 but still live with me and my youngest especially hates to see me upset. I totally get what you say about the future looking bleak, I can't bare to think about it, we had so many plans. None of which I want to do alone. I have a fab network of friends but feel so lonely and don't like to burden people. Look after yourself Mike. Ali x

I'm so sorry for you loss.

It is such early days for you and your children, please never apologise for anything you post we all understand and as you say when you read other posts it often helps to make you feel "normal".

My children are 19 and 14 and I often hide my tears from them but I do cry in front of them. My youngest hasn't cried since his Dad died on 31st March 2018 but the older one will cry with me. Everyone is different. 

I also fear for my long lonely future so I try not to think about it.

Take care 

AliG, I am so sorry for your loss, and that you are feeling like you are. I myself Lost my wife on the 18th December 2019 and sometimes I am exactly the same as yourself. Okay one minute and sobbing the next. I am questioning things and then getting angry, but all this is normal. We somehow manage to get by from day to day and then onto the next week. It's hard I know, we were married for 25 years and this was the first Christmas, New Year and my Birthday that I have had on my own for 25 years. It was hard. What you need to do is stop beating yourself up about getting upset, just take Baby Steps and you will come to terms with your loss. We never get over them.

God Bless and Be Strong.

John

Hi Ali

I too lost my husband nearly 8 weeks ago now (3rd Dec.2019) so can understand your low & empty feelings,it is very early days.I can go through the odd day not crying and managing to function doing shopping walking dogs etc,then what I call the wave of overwhelming grief hits me smack in the face and I am then in tears,at first I tried to stop it but now have learned to just go with it & cry when it comes which does help me,as I can then pick myself up & start again.My advice Ali is dont try to hard to be positive all the time as that can be exhausting just go with how you feel on the day,as too much acting can drain you,be kind to yourself.I call it my new 'normal' now and take one day at at time rather than thinking too far ahead as it then feels too scary without my husband.I have no children but have two lovely golden retrievers which keep me going as I have to take them for walks.Sometimes I feel I am going mad with all the mixture of emotions I feel but find some comfort reading posts on here & know I am not totally alone.Well done in getting back to work as that is another event to manage,I go back to work on the 6th Feb.dreading it but will get there. 

Best Wishes

Laura x   

Thank you all so much for your posts. It really does help to know we're not alone. I feel much better this afternoon, a good friend popped in for coffee and chat. I think it was the pressure of having to be positive and smiley for 3 days at work. I only used to do 2 but having to do more now for financial reasons.

Laura, I was also dreading going back to work but I actually felt a little like my old self after the initial couple of hours, and its definitely a distraction. I put timers on my lamps so the house wasn't in darkness as Mark worked from home so was always there. I hope it's the same for you.

Ali x

Thanks Ali yes i'm hoping it will be a bit of a distraction for me going back to work,take care 

Laura x

It was four weeks yesterday since my husband went so suddenly. I have gone back to work. I thought it helped. Friday I felt tearful and have fought it all weekend..I have just sent him a private FB message to sort of talk to him although I can't have a reply. I am starting to feel cheated because he couldn't do his bucket list, it was only little things on it! But we failed to make those memories. My children are 20 and 16. My son never cried for his dad for 3 years ( this is the second husband I have lost). It seems harder somehow. He has had a few years this time but he had counseling for his own dad. He has been good and has tried to help me with my ups and downs ! I heard him telling his sister to be patient with me!!! 

I think I bolted ahead with everything to start with, sorting and arranging but now I can't do any more for the moment! I am sort of stuck with the last few possessions to sort. I am missing him more than I could imagine. If only we could have one more hug and chat. 

Now I am getting nightmares about when I found him and the ambulance crew just trying to resus him. It is horrible! I went to see him at rest and he looked lovely but I have the wrong image now. 

Hoping this is just a bad weekend xxx