On September 24th of this year I lost her, my lover, best friend and soulmate of 17 years. She died after being diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia just 3 months before. We were told that it was incurable and she had 2 rounds of Chemo but just before her 3rd treatment she went completely down hill. She had already lost loads of weight, was tired all the time but then her hearing went. In one week she was admitted for Pallitive Care and by 5 days we were told that it was only days to weeks. She passed 2 days later.
I feel a lot of anger because my stepdaughter was left alone with her at the hospital in her dying moments. I should have been there but the ward turned me away when I felt during the night that I needed to be there for her and my stepdaughter, I had only been home for a few hours after being by her bedside all day. I called them whilst in a cab but they said I couldn't be there as my step daughter was there and that my partner was fine and was comfortable and sleeping. They told me not to worry,get some sleep and come back first thing tomorrow. I felt a bit at ease as they told me she was ok and I fell asleep.
About 4 hours later, around 5am, my phone was ringing and I woke up to hear my stepdaughter telling me that her mum was very distressed, trying to rip her tubes out and trying to get out of her bed. She was asking for me and my step daughter explained she had been like this for hours. I had text my stepdaughter early to explain that I was coming down but the hospital had turned me away, but her phone had died and had been charging. She had text me later in the morning that her mum was distressed but I was asleep. I managed to get a cab back to the hospital and was on the phone to my stepdaughter explaining I was 5 minutes away but by the time I got there my stepdaughter was in the carpark crawled in a ball sobbing her heart out. I had missed my soul mate by 3 minutes. It was the moment I dreaded that evening and that's why I tried to get there early but only to be turned away.
My angel had a lot of issues,which I'm not going to go into, but she was under a lot of doctors and I now know that the symptoms of Leukaemia were there sickness, weight loss, night sweats, lack of energy and aching pains were there for a long time before they discovered her platelets were on the floor. She had blood tests at least once a month and I had raised the weight loss and sickness to her docs but they seemed to ignore it or just didn't care.
I am angry but my stepdaughter and I now will get through xmas the best we can. We have a special gift each of jewelry with her mums ashes and other little bits of remembrance so that my partner is not forgotten.
