Recently Bereaved

Hello,

I think we all here can agree with your every word. I feel for you and I also desperately miss my husband end every single aspect of our relationship. He died on the same day as your husband but two months earlier, on 29 August. He was 50.

The support of friends and family was and it is precious to me too  but as time goes on, the phone calls and visits became less frequent, everyone returned back to their own life while I still feel stuck with my grief and alone.

For me seeing people, especially friends he grew up with and who miss him almost as much as I do, brings me a great comfort. In the past, were were 5 strong couples, now there are 4 couples and I. It's heartbreaking. Tomorrow we're all meeting to celebrate my husband's Birthday as we have done it every year. It will be a tough day but we'll share memories, cry and laugh remembering his jokes and how brilliant and clever he was. Today's day I spent baking and preparing some nice, personal things that belonged to Danny which I'll distribute amongst his dearest friends. I know he would've liked that. 

As for us, there is no way around it, we just have to go through it and there will be many more bad and then again more bearable days. This is something that can't be fixed and make it better. We just have to somehow learn to leave with it. Our life as we know it has changed forever.

At the moment we're in some kind of a liminal state -  not the same person we used to be  neither yet transformed into a new person that we're about to become. At the moment nobody knows what will become of us but reading some other posts on this forum, it is encouraging to know that many found " different happy" after all. No necessarily  happy in terms of finding a new partner  but in terms of discovering some enjoyment in life that might bring us a little ray of sunshine again, whatever that might be. For example I always liked baking and I'm good at it. Who knows, maybe this is something that I might do more of in the future. 

For now, copying with this tragedy remains very hard and challenging but I hope that every day gives as just a little bit more strength.  Especially over this dreadful Christmas time.

Big hug to you xx

Dalia

Dear Busy mummy too,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. And I am glad you have reached out to this group.

This must be such a difficult time for you. I still remember so very well the first couple of months after my husband's death in May 2018: I was devastated, my world had fallen apart, I sometimes even didn't want to go on because I didn't know how and to imagine a life without my husband was impossible. But for some reason I carried on living, tried my best to deal with whatever came my way, and I have to say that today I am feeling still very sad that he is no longer with me, I miss him every single day, and I would love to have had much more time with my husband, but I have also accepted that this is my life now and it is kind of okay. In time, you will hopefully feel somewhat similar. But for now it is early stages in your bereavement journey - even calling it that is so sad - and then you also have your two boys. How are they dealing with the loss of their dad?

Please know that we are all here to listen and to talk with you.

Love, Mel.

Thank you Mel,

your words are touching and comforting.

My boys are ok.. I begin to see that they will be ok. We have good family around us and friends who care.

i have brought my boys away for Christmas to try to make it different this year and also because I simply couldn’t bear the usual Christmas....

This putting 1 foot in front of the other I can see is do able but is simply not what I or we want. It breaks my heart to be without my love, our family strength and my boys dad x