First Birthday After

Hi Dalia

I am coming up to my first Christmas without Bill and understand and agree with what you are saying.

First I have to deal with Bill going into hospital on the 6th Dec last year to have a RIG fitted as a late side affect from 3 years previous, made his unable to swallow, he had incurable cancer which he battled with since 2015. He got aspirated  pneumonia went on a ventilator and did not make it and died on 21st January, so I am now reliving all over again those days of visiting him and hoping he would pull through. Love him always.

I am not sending any cards this year I cannot find it in me to write just Lesley.

Yes it is very hard to accept it and I think that will always stay with all of us on here, but it may get a bit easier as time goes by? 

Lesley xx

Thank you so much, Lesley. Life is so very cruel. I won't be sending any cards this year neither. But I'm sure people would like to show their kindness and we'll get some cards. I have already received one - joy, peace, love, cheer says the front. Inside it's written - I'm so sorry about your loss and I hope you still can enjoy Christmas. It is all very bizarre and then I realised that it's not easy for us but it's not easy for those around us neither. I wouldn't know what to say to myself neither.

 I had big plans for today. I wanted to listen to Danny's favourite bands, Iron Maiden, ACDC, cook something he liked, write him a letter, do something nice. Instead I'm sitting in silence, waiting for Danny's mum to come for lunch and just getting more and more sad. I'll cook and that's about it. In the evening I'll probably have a bottle of wine if I fancy. Before I go to bed I'll congratulate myself for surviving  yet another bad day.

Dalia xx

Feel for you Dalia, I hope today hasn’t been too unkind.

I lost my Wife on 24th September and it’s my birthday next week, Sharon always managed to find inventive presents for me

That’ll be my first followed by the festive season which I’m kind of dreading and then Sharon’s birthday is New Year’s Day, can’t face being at home for this so I’ve booked a few days in London, hopefully I can distract myself.

Can’t wait to see the back of this year to be honest, let’s hope the next one brings us more strength.

Dennis x

Thank you for replying Dennis. It seems you will have to deal with so much in coming weeks. I'm so sorry. I think it is really good that you booked a few days in London over this difficult period and perhaps long walks around the city and different sourandings might help a bit.

I find that walking in particular does help me to feel calmer. 

The good thing about today's day is that it is almost over. Like you, can't wait to get rid of this year and forthcoming festivities neither.

As you rightly said, let's hope the next year brings us more strength. 

Dalia xx

Hello Dalia, I hope the day has been ok for you in the end and that you do get some sleep. It’s my daughter’s birthday today, first one in 27 years without her lovely dad. I had a couple of glasses of Prosecco to toast her ( Mike and I always used to do that to celebrate birthdays - even the dogs!). What I wouldn’t give to have another 20-25 years with him. The aloneness is just grinding. Bug I try to focus on the 34 years of happiness, two lovely children and a darling grandson. 
Look after yourself x 

Thank you so much, it means a lot. What  a day of mixed feelings that must be for you. The joy of your daughter's Birthday and sadness because Mike is not there. I raise my glass to both of you and Mike.I'd like to imagine  that somewhere in the sky, in the bar where Prosecco is free, he is raising his heavenly glass and watching over you both.

I'll take this as an inspiration and hope that one day I would be able to reflect and focus only on years of happiness rather than sadness I'm overwhelmed with at the moment. I do have a lot of work to do on myself to get there but hopefully I might be just OK someday.

It brings me a great comfort to be able to share my pain and feelings with those who truly understand and empathise.  

Dalia xx

Love the idea of Mike in a heavenly bar! That made me smile. Thank you Dalia. Hope today is ok for us all on this group  x