Almost 6 months and the grief is worse

Thank you, Alison. Sometimes the answers are so  obvious that we can't see them. I will do as you suggest.

Who better than a palliative care nurse to speak to in a time like this? She has seen so much and probably helped so many families that she will be one of the best people to provide support. Calling her was a good move. Sometimes we hold back, not wanting to disturb others and burden them with our problems.

Geoff, I hope you're feeling better. It's an extra-bumpy roller-coaster ride, isn't it?

Been ok all morning at work just had lunch back to work the first thing entered my head was my wife in bed saying she was so scared why that I'm now hiding up in meltdown I was ok till then  I wish this would end 

After 14 months, I still have days that I simply can't find the strength or motivation to do anything. As I type this, the music streaming service is playing Erik Satie's "Gymnopedié 1" which was the piece my stepdaughter played at my husband's memorial service. It fills me with both peace and sadness. There are days I swear I see him in my peripheral vision, times I feel him so near. But he's not there. I speak to his photograph every night and greet him every morning. How will I ever feel whole again? Will I ever feel whole again? He was the greatest love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate. He was my everything. And while I have my daughter, my stepdaughter, stepson, my in-laws, my precious granddaughters, I still feel so very alone at times. They are all far away. I just want Chris back. Why can't that happen? Why can't I wish and pray hard enough and have him back. I don't feel like a real person anymore...