I am 14 months into this journey we didnt ask or want to be on. The rollercoaster certainly still travels. I'm on a dip at present after being on top for a few weeks. It was my father in laws year of death anniversary on 15th Oct, my husbands estate finalised on this day and his sister sent me correspondence re her dads estate on this day too. Sitting at work and the tears flowed. My supposed friend and colleague found me and asked me what's wrong. I explained. Her response was well you didnt get on with your f in law and you've moved on from your husband so I dont know why your upset.
To explain. After my husband my father In law was very nasty to me days after the funeral. Stuff he gifted to my husband he demanded back. Then he took I'll and died 2 months after my husband. He apologised to me the night before he died. Jumping to 2 weeks ago. I felt that as my life is one big empty routine going round in the same cycle. i decided to join match to try and meet people to get me back out talking to others and get back some grip of my life. It doesnt mean I'm over my husband, it doesnt stop me missing him, wanting to hear him and get his cuddles. If I could I'd have him back in a heart beat. He wanted me to go on be happy.
I feel very lost. Work is also stressful and I'm constantly in tears this week and demoralised by peoples words. I'd be better off not in this world and I'm back to wanting to be with my husband although I know it's not my time
