Broken hearted

It is cruel I know I'm sorry for your loss but you are on the best site to air your views and will always get someone to answer everyone on here is going through the same pain so rant as much as you like we all understand  a horrible journey which non of us want to be on

I'm so sorry to read your post and that you have had to join us on this site. But saying that this site continues to be a great comfort and a place to speak your mind without fear of upsetting anyone. 

Please don't look too far ahead, it's too frightening. Take a day, hour, minute at a time 

My husband was 47 when he passed away and only had cancer for 3 months. My son's were 18 and 12 when he died. It's so sad and hard to believe it all happened. 

You are right Life is so Cruel but eventually things will get easier. I'm 19 months ahead of you.

Hug your children often and post on here as often as you need to 

Bubbles,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know a little of your type of pain since my wife also had a previous disease, Myleofibrosis, for which she, too, was treated with a stem cell transplant. June of 2018 was the 10 year anniversary of her transplant (or 'second birthday' as she called it) and we were looking forward to finally getting the feeling that she was OK. It took almost 4 years for her to recover from the transplant and the after effects of Graft versus Host (GVH) disease. 

Unfortunately in April of 2018 she was diagnosed with Peritoneal Mesothelioma and 18 months later, September 23rd, she died. 

I have one son who turned 23 4 days before she died. he still lives with me and has been a tremendous support and help. I think that because I have lived with the fear that she was going to die for almost 24 years (she was diagnosed with the Myleofibrosis 13 years before her transplant) I might have been a little 'prepared' for her death. 

Since it's only been 3 weeks since she died I don't have a good perspective on the time you've experienced since your husband's death (7+ months?). I recall how my wife and I reacted to the news of her diagnosis in April 2018. UNFAIR!

I'ts a a given that life is unfair. And I believe that a large number of people get dealt some pretty crappy hands, in some cases we just don't know about it. But I also think it's especially unfair when someone or a family is dealt a double dose such as you and I have faced. 

Bad enough and hard enough to make your way through one major, life threatening illness. To subsequently be hit by another one is most unfair. To have that sense of 'we made it' ripped away from you is indescribable. 

I'm sure you've heard all the platitudes about how you're still young, etc., etc. Those people mean well but they don't truly know your pain an grief. 

All I can do is wish you the best and hope that by putting one foot in front of the other you can stumble your way forward. At this point I can't possibly imagine any woman taking my wife's place. Though I long for something/someone to fill the gaping hole in my life. I hope that at some point I can figure out how to never lose the love for my wife and still find the way to let another person in close to me. 

Rob