No future

Hi Wildcat

I'm sorry you are feeling so rubbish. It does feel like a pointless lonely journey we are traveling alone. Do you have friends and family near to support you? Maybe you could speak to them and or visit your doctor about your anxiety. I also miss my husband making all the decisions and being by my side going out and about. 

I speak to my husband regularly when I need his confidence and wisdom. He was a positive 'can do' man and I am doing my best to be brave without him.

I give myself little tasks daily, abit of ironing, tidying up, tackling something I'm putting off makes me not sleep well and I have to tell myself 'nobody else is coming to do it' so just get on with it!! It's exhausting but nobody else is here so for my husband I need to keep going the best I can.

I hope you manage this weekend, and find something that makes you smile. If the rain stays away I'm going to plant some spring bulbs at my husband's resting place. Which will be sad but I will enjoy them when they flower. 

Thanks for the reply Ruby.

I have few friends and less family. Not really anyone to speak with about how I really feel. See my GP and it changes nothing. 

I talk to my husband but that doesn't make any difference, just adds to the emptiness as there's nothing back. 

I just don't care what happens.

Hi WildCat,

I am so sorry you are struggling so much at the moment. It sounds like you are tired of having to fight the loneliness and the sadness and the exhaustion that comes as a result of not sleeping.

It's a pity that you have only few friends and nobody really to support you at the moment.

But I am glad you can come on here and write and share whatever you want and how you feel.

I am usually strong enough to keep going despite the loneliness and despite the occasional question "What is my purpose?" trying to overwhelm me. This weekend, I am struggling with a cough and a general under the weather feeling and that makes me less strong and I am feeling those thoughts and questions a little bit more.

It is really frightening to think that there is so much life ahead of us without our loved ones.

But I suppose all we can do is to continue with it because this is what they have wanted and also there are people in our lives who care and would be deeply sadened if we weren't here anymore.

I would love my husband to be able to be proud of me so I am trying my best.

But I just want to say that I, too, feel sometimes how you feel at the moment.

Love, Mel.

Mel

Hope you soon feel better. 

You're right I'm tired of the constant fight to just get through each day. Grieving is such hard work.

Hi I hope you both feel better soon I do get very down in the mornings very tearfull I pick up a little in the afternoon but it is so wearing day after day so I understand how you feel it's horrendous isn't it