<Moving Forward But Not Liking It

Hi Mel 

I understand what you are saying. In the early days I came on this site 3-4 times a day, every day. Then it was a little less, sometimes now it’s a few days before I check in & everytime I do I am struck by how many other people have joined us here since that time & can recognise so much of their raw grief I felt in the early days. It makes me see although my feelings havent changed I have quietly made some progress in accepting the situation I am in now. 

I think that’s what we may be beginning to experience - acceptance, whether we like it or not & with that the realisation that we have a choice- either to give up on the lives we have now or to make a go of it best we can. 

I still miss my husband dreadfully. I still dream about him, I still feel so angry for all that he is missing & like you, I don’t want to meet someone to “replace” him, that just isn’t possible. I still love him wholeheartedly & consider myself still married to him.

But for the first time today I thought maybe I do need to join a group where I am just Sarah, not Steve’s wife. Not Steve’s widow, just me...... it’s scary, I feel safe with those who know. It keeps him alive, though others are less keen now to talk about him they at least know he existed- new people don’t, they will only know me as I am now. 

But what choice is there? We have to go forward & I think my Steve would want that for me too. 

Love Sarah xx

Hello Sarah and Mel

Mel, it was strange that I saw your post about 'Moving forward.....' as I was thinking of starting a new discussion 'Life goes on' expressing similar feelings. It is just 4 months since John died, and I can't  say I feel any better, and ,ike you Sarah, I feel so angry and sad that he isn't here, he was just 65 and we should have grown old together.  He did so much for me and every day I think  'John would have done that for me', and 'How do I do that?' and I keep realising how much he cared for me and did so much to make me happy. So I still feel lost and scared as I contemplate my life without him, but I know I have to get on with it because I have no choice. And he told me that he wanted me to have a life without him, so I am trying, and people tell me it will get easier, but I don't  think John realised how big a hole he would leave,  because he was a quiet and modest man and never considered  himself to be anything special.  But as you said Sarah and Mel, we either give up, or we try to move forward. We know life will never be the same again - how can it be, when half of us is missing? - but maybe in time the pain will become less, and we may learn to live a new 'normal' life, as our partners would have wanted us to.

Love to all

Anne