Welcome to the Grief Club...

There is no easy way you have all our sympathy it is a horrific thing we are all going through this site at least allows you to vent your feelings and everyone is going through it to a big hug for you and everyone on here

I feel like the colour has drained from the world. 

I don’t even want to think about the funeral. In fact I feel like I don’t want to go because I’m not strong or ready enough to say goodbye. 

Has anyone felt this way? 

Well all do and it stays with us you have to go to the funeral to say your goodbyes it helps with closure if not you will always regret it 

I'm so sorry that you are here. There's nothing I can say that can make things easier. Just hope that you have some support. It's very normal to feel you aren't ready, nobody is. 

My soulmate passed on 22nd of the month too. My family especially my mum have been amazing. She has been driving me back and forward to the hospital (an hour there and back)  for the 10 days he was in ICU. I’ve gone back to our home with her because it was too painful. His smell is everywhere. 

I have cried so much the last week I was told there was nothing left for Ryan my eyes actually hurt. I have not worn makeup or bothered to make an effort since he went into hospital last week. 

How do you cope with the heavy pain in your chest?? I feel so hopeless. 

So sorry for your loss.  Yes I dreaded the funeral and didn’t know how I would get through it, but I had to be there, for him.  It’s a very hard day so make sure you are rested, fed and ready, as much as any of as can be, but in a way, it was nice to see how many people thought enough of him to come to pay their respects.  You will get through it as we all have, probably in a numb bubble, but you will be there.  Take care of yourself.  Love and hugs, Dolly xx

Hi Grace. I am so sorry for your loss at such a young age.  my wife and soulmate passed away 15 July . I am afraid the pain / loneliness/ not eating and crying are all part of the grief. I am nearly 6 weeks on this journey and I still feel the same as day one. I wish there was something I could tell you that would ease it but there isn’t. Just take one day one hour one minute at a time. You should go to the funeral if only to say goodbye to your loved one , you might regret it later if you don’t. 

If you want to rant or rage this is the place to do it. We all know what you are going through, and we are here to listen. 

Mike 

Thank you for your message. It’s absolutely horrendous and there is no guide on “how to grieve”. 

It’s only been 2 days but I feel Ryan’s ghost is everywhere. the smell of his aftershave, his toothbrush, all his clothes even his slippers are turning me absolutely hysterical. I just can’t believe he is no longer here. 

I feel like I will never be the same again. We had a future, we talked openly about marriage, children and I am crying so much over the future we will never have. It even physically hurts to cry because I have done so much. 

I feel I have a loss of control over everything. Do you have any coping mechanisms to keep “busy”? 

There is no magic cure I was the same as all of us were it's so painfull I know I cried thumped the bed begged did everything it's shock  and panic I'm sure we all have been through it there are no words to make it go away  my heart goes out to you being so young 

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance.

I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I do drop in from time to time. My husband of 35 years passed away in Nov 2017, 9 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer.

I know my circumstances are very different to yours, but I remember the early days of total shock, horror and disbelief. My coping mechanisms were:

1. I made lists every day. In the early days they included 'get up', 'shower', breakfast etc etc. I needed to see that I had actually done something, and it gave me a feeling of order, in the midst of what felt like total chaos.

2. I made sure I ate something at each mealtime. I couldn't manage proper meals in the beginning, sometimes a yoghurt was all I managed, but I did have something.

3. I started to remove some of his things each day, in the beginning, just a little thing each day, like a toothbrush. I felt it would be easier to just get used to it bit by bit. I didn't want to do things too quickly, but for me, it was part of acceptance. Not everyone deals with things the same way.

4. I accepted offers of company, help or meals whether I felt like it or not. I felt better with people around in the beginning.

Nearly two years on, I can say that it has got easier. (Note, easier not easy!) I know you are much, much younger than me, I'm 61 now, 59 when my husband died, but I still have life ahead of me. I can't say I've got it all sorted, but I am adjusting to being without him, and I think most people do, but you can't possibly imagine it 2 days after his death. Don't expect too much of yourself at the moment, you're still in the most dreadful shock.

I found this group very helpful and it was good to know that other people understood, make use of it.

With much love x