Struggling

Yes duck, a phased return to work. 

It was up to me to choose how many hour's a day and when to start. I chose to start at 10am instead of 6am, so I didn't have to get up at 5am.

4 hours for the first week felt right. Day's 

6 hours for the second week. Day's 

Full 8 hours, on normal shift pattern on 3rd week.

My company was very good with me and put no pressure on me to return to work. Obviously, not all employers are as understanding. 

If you normally do an 8 hour day. Going back straight on your normal full 8 hour day, 5 day week. You may find it very tiring, emotionally. 

Sorry I meant 

4 hours a day for the first week 

6 hours a day for the 2nd week 

Full 8 hours shifts from the 3rd week. 

Going back to work on my normal 8 hour shift pattern, would have been really difficult and exhausting. As my head was elsewhere even though I was able to do my job.

Take care duck. 

I had to go back 8. Hours a day they didn't like anything else was very hard the first week been back 3weeks now I still get very tearfull at times I go outside and try to control it not always successful I still find it very hard

Good morning Newb and All,

I hope, most of us had the best sleep possible. 

I woke up a few times, but had worse nights before.

Its very unfair, your employer didn't give you options. 

I have been reading about grief and how to cope.

We should not push back our feelings. Its wrong, that you have to hold back your tiers. 

I trully feel for you. 

Take care

Love and hugs

Andrea

Good morning everyone I have just been to crematorium my wife's ashes were scatted there next to her mum I had a bird box put up with a plack went this morning to see it cried all the time I was there couldn't help it I'm going to plant so forget me knot's there and hope they grow such a sad time for everyone if there is a God he sure knows how to punish

Hi Newb

I feel for you. The terrible pain we all are going through. Will this pain ever heal?

Thinking of you 

Hugs and xx

Andrea

Hi Andrea hope you had a better nights sleep yes the pain is terrible i was trying  to tell a friend what it felt like I feel the same as if you have a nightmare your throat is tight chest feels like a weight is on it tummy is in knots and always close to tears all day long not very often it lets up he didn't believe me I don't think 

Newb 

People who haven't gone through the same just don't know.

Hi Newb you just wrote down exactly as I feel today. Really horrible. You are right I don’t think people believe it’s as bad as it is. 

Hope it gets easier for us . Just seems never ending. 

Mike 

Yes I too knew that my husbands cancer wasn't survivable. And the people at the hospice tried kindly to warn me that the end was near but his death even though anticipated was still a shock. Autopilot kicks in and you are told there are things you must do and things that society expects you to do, and if you are really unlucky neighbours that tell you what you have to do now!

I found that the reality set in the first Christmas, not because it was Christmas but because it was the time when we would talk about what we would grow in the garden. For the first time ever I was thinking 'whats the point?' A lot of things I grew especially fruit was because he liked them. Probably I would have faced the issue earlier when the pear crops because he always made apple and pear chutney of the windfalls and the ones he couldn't eat but that particular year foxes devoured the entire crop - its a dwarf tree if you're wondering.

But its definitely the case that the autopilot you just keep running on stops when you are facing even the tiniest decision that you would always have made together and that's  when you chastise yourself for going on living and they have gone. And not only does it hurt because you've lost them but because you have found fault with yourself over something that really wouldn't have changed things but you just feel it would.

I always loves the 'alternate reality' genre. The differences that hinged on one decision, the world of  'what if?' Trouble is that in this situation the only 'what ifs' you see are the ones that would have given a happy outcome and in the end the decisions made were made with the knowledge you had then.

Hindsight is a bitch.

D