Struggling

Hi buttercup01,

Yes, it has. 

My GP tried to get me in. But unfortunately they cannot accept me as my husband wasn't their inpatient as he didn't get to that stage. He died at home soon after he was discharged from the hospital. 

Thank you anyway for trying to help. 

Andrea 

Hi Andrea 

I've found being back at work doesn't change how I feel. It simply fills a few hours of the day. Coming home is still a killer. If you like your job, it may help you being amongst people. 

Work is a bit of routine, but I'm sick of my job in a factory for 32 year's. It's always on my mind near the end of the shift, that I'm going back to the empty lonely house. 

Hopefully given a long time, I may one day look forward to to going home.

As you all say the silence is deafening. 

I agree work fills in few hours I still cry at times but the silence is a killer when you get home I still slip up at work and start to txt my wife then tears 

Hi Andrea

Sorry CRUSE aren't able to help. I did have my six sessions with them but it didn't help me. I was given no real coping strategies, she just sat while I talked and cried.  At the first and last appointment I had a questionnaire to complete as to how I felt about my life and future and even though there was no change that was it, off you go and get on with it. No group here. 

I do go to a support group monthly at Maggie's but recently a clique has formed and arranging things which made me very uncomfortable.

I'm waiting to see a psychologist bit it's a long wait. 

Getting back to work might be good for you.

Hi Mark, 

I don't feel like going back to work but need a routine at least for a few hours. What i am dreading of is the fact, that we used to get up early morning together for work. My husband put the kettle on for the first morning coffee. Then we got ready for work. Before we both left, we kissed each other, wished each other a good day at work and said 'Talk to you at lunch time'. Then when I finished work, I always messaged him, that I was on the bus. I will at home soon. When we both got home, I cooked us dinner he was always looking forward to anything I cooked. Not anymore. As all of us here, we are coming back to an empty lifeless home.

I got a desk job. There is a lot of people in the office. Cannot imagine coming to work on Monday and facing them. 

Have a good night sleep. 

Thinking of you all. Lets hope together for better days. 

Andrea

Hi Newb

This is my worry too. We spoke at lunch time every single day. Then I rung him after I finished work that I was on bus. In winter time he used to wait for me at the busstop. 

As you say, coming home to an empty house where no one is waiting for us is a killer. 

What have we done to deserve this???

Hi Newb

This is my worry too. We spoke at lunch time every single day. Then I rung him after I finished work that I was on bus. In winter time he used to wait for me at the busstop. 

As you say, coming home to an empty house where no one is waiting for us is a killer. 

What have we done to deserve this???

Hi Andrea 

I started back on 4 hour's a day 1st week /6 hour's 2nd week /then full 8 hour's 3rd week. I'll admit I found it difficult. I did my job on auto pilot, but my head was on my Jayne. Her loss was on my mind every minute of the shift. I fell apart a few times during the first fortnight. Once in the Canteen full of people eating. All it took was 2 bloke's asking me how Jayne was getting on. They didn't know, not their fault. But I burst out of the exit door and up to the top of the car park. Sat sobbing and didn't want to go back in. They sent me home early, but I told them to make sure that everyone in the factory knows I've lost Jayne. She worked there for 20 years.

A sudden unexpected comment is enough to set you off. 

Just take it slowly and ease your way back into work duck. The first 2 weeks were very emotional for me. I hadn't bargained on feeling like I could brake down at any moment.

I feel for you duck. 

What have you done to deserve this? That's simple your love for your spouse was still deep and vibrant.

For some people its just an event in their lives, an inconvenience but those relationships are all but burned out perhaps a step or two away from divorce when one of them dies suddenly.

The threads of their lives aren't unravelled because they have all ready separated the strands of the two lives. The Victorians had all kinds of death rituals that they carried on for years and it made it socially acceptable to grieve a loved one for a long time, now we seem to be all rush rush hurry hurry when are you going to move on. 

I know its not good to stay in that moment of loss but some of us need time to move from that situation.

Yes we all had our constant contact habits, I used to email my husband snippets of news throughout the day because we were both at computers. Coming home to a quiet house wasn't such a problem for me as I always left second and arrived home first, cooking is my problem we always cooked together, we always decided on dinner when we got home I eat cold now because it never feels worth it to put on the oven just for me and I'm afraid that the larger saucepans barely ever see the light of day.

Your life will adjust in ways you cannot yet see and you will live with this loss because they  struggled hard to hang onto their lives.

D 

Hi Mark, 

I am sorry to hear about your experience. Must have been terrible for you. 

This reminds me, when my husband passed away and he was still receiving messages on his phone asking him how he was.

I friend of mine told me about phased return to work. Is this what you did? I have never been off sick, so don't know what options people have. Getting up early after a sleepless night can make it difficult. 

Thank you for sharing your experience and trying to help. 

Take care

Andrea