Struggling

Good morning Mark

I hope your night wasn't too bad. The weather is cooling down now. 

I had much better sleep then the night before. But woke up with stomach pain. 

Thinking of seeing a counsellor. Don't know whether it would help. Couldn't get one though GP which is disappointing. Looking into seeing one privately. 

But cannot imagine how can someone or something eas that terrible pain we feel. 

Take care. 

Andrea 

Hi all hope you managed some sleep. I am away for a couple of days visiting my brother in law it’s raining here so nice and cool. Just been out for a walk, but not the same on your own can’t really enjoy anything. Tears were not far of so came back in. Going back home tomorrow, I think I will be glad. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to going away on my own. 

Hooe you all have a better day. 

Mike 

Hi Andrea the first day was horrible tearfull but has slowly got a bit better still hard at times but getting used to it just the injection I have gives me hot flushes so often dripping in sweat

Hi Newb,

I had a brief visit to NZ about 20 years ago. I have an aunt that lives in Auckland she was heavily into Maori culture as she had a half Maori daughter, we tried to see some of the sights like Rotorua  and Bay of Islands but my mother didn't have any time for primitive people so it was difficult. My husband and I really loved the natural beauty and understood why the Maoris try to live in harmony with their land my aunt was an adopted member of one of the larger clans - I know how to say it but not spell it but we went to their clan house in Auckland.

Another aunt lived there for about 20 years before deciding that she was missing out on life in the 70s and came back to the UK. She lived in various places around both Islands and was always on about the naked beauty of the South Island. 

It was one of the places we wanted to see without having my parents(esp my mum who is a died in the wool bigot) around.

I have been to various places especially as a child - I went to St Peters in Rome. It always appalled me that while my mother was prepared to cover her head and arms for that religion she wouldn't respect the Maoris or Aborigines beliefs. I certainly did not climb Uluru when I visited it.

I'd love to see my aunt again but I doubt she would recognise me because she has dementia. 

D

Hi d I lived in New Plymouth for 13  years I am a NZ and uk citizen loved it there so much room and beautiful country

Hi Andrea 

No I didn't sleep duck. 26 c upstairs. When I'm at work the house is locked up for 9 hours, thus it just gets hotter and hotter. Only just cooling it down now this evening. Every window is open even though its raining. 

My gp bless her, keeps pushing counselling to me, but I'm not sure about it either. I can though sign up for it, online whenever I want. It's on the NHS. It's called Trent PTS.

If it's free to access in Derbyshire, it should be free everywhere. It's really annoying. No one should have to pay for counselling.

I'll probably do it, but only when I feel ready. Not pressured in too it. 

This group is counselling, I reckon. If you feel counselling could benefit you duck, go for it by all means. 

Hi Mike 

Totally understand you Mike. The thought of holidays on my own doesn't appeal to me either. I was never interested in going on holiday anywhere until I met my wife. Now walking alone anywhere, feels like I've suddenly been thrown back 20 year's to being single again. Wasn't a problem back then, but it's not me now. Marriage fundamentally changes us. I said to Jaynes dad today, I hate now saying my house instead of our house. It's an awful feeling speaking of your spouse in the past tense. It was always our this or that, now saying my this or that almost feels des loyal if you get my drift. 

Hoping time eases all our pain. 

Hi Mark, 

I hope your house has cooled down by now and you get a better sleep.

Thank you for the suggestion. I have had a look at Trent PTS. Its strange, but this service is available in Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire only. Its a pitty. I have to agree with you, that no one should pay for counselling services whatever their problem is. 

I have been reading the posts today. The pain we are going through after the loss of our loved ones has got same impact on all of us, no matter whether its a man or a woman. Feeling lonely, empty, lost, lacking motivation, not looking forward to  Xmas, hating to say 'my' instead of 'ours', hating going anywhere without our loved ones, loosing interets in things, we did enjoy before. 

I wish, there was a cure for all of us. Maybe one day... 

Wish you all a good night sleep. 

Take care

Hugs and xx

Andrea

Hi Andrea

Let me introduce myself, I am Ian one of the community champions and I look after various groups on the online community including the Bereaved spouses and partners forum group and have been reading all the posts since day 1 and I think that between all the members who contribute you have set up a very nice support group and are of great help and support to each other and I hope that many others in the same position as yourselves will join in and make this a regular feature within the group.

The reason for coming into the thread this evening was to add a little bit about counselling as I note that your GP was unable to help and it seems a pity that you could be forced into a situation where you have to pay for it.

I have put  together this information for you all 

The first one is what I call

Macmillans Support down your way

When you open the page and enter your postcode it comes up with a list of support available in your area, it is possible to put filters in and also set how far from your home you might want to travel

The second one is the

Maggies Centre

Again if you enter your postcode it will come up with the nearest Maggies to you and give you a list of what each centre provides and many of the centres have 1 to 1 counselling sessions as well as group sessions.

Then there is this

NHS Bereavement support - Local search

Where again you enter your postcode and it will show you a list of available places for support and counselling, when I put in my post code it came up with a list of Cruse venues in my area

No 4 is the 

Marie Curie information on bereavement support

Which will give you an idea of what groups are in your area

No 5 is

Cruse

Which I mentioned above but this link takes you directly to the Cruse website and shows the support they have available, unfortunately they are in great demand and they often have a waiting list.

I hope that the above is of interest to you and the rest of the members and helps. 

Hopefully this group will continue for a long time and new members join and receive the comfort and support that you are all giving each other.

Ian

Brodach

That is a helpful list. Just to say that the NHS bereavement support link doesn't work for Scotland and also CRUSE Scotland is separate. 

Had six sessions with CRUSE myself.