Struggling

I also get confused sometimes with the username s   Don’t worry about it , we all know what or who you mean. 

Mike 

Hi Mike 

I was off work for two months after my wife died. Looking back now I don't know how I got through it. Not sleeping and up early, filling the lonely empty daylight hours was awful. Fortunately I still had our dog Milly during this period, which got me out of the house. She was company for me. Just before I went back to work I lost Milly as well.

I'm sick of work but haven't booked any time off yet, for the very reason you say. Filling the empty day's. Interested in nothing and having no control over these feelings. My father in law said to me last week that if it weren't for his his dog and his garden he would be lost to death.. It's five years since he lost his wife. I know it kills him to have lost his daughter, my wife. I sit with him each week, company for each other. He gets up to go bed and it still hits him he's alone. My wife looked after him after her mum died. 

Life is cruel, just doesn't begin to express it. 

How do you fill your day, when your wife or husband was your whole world. That's where I'm at.

Here's to the group and hope. 

Hi Mark.

I have no choice but to try and do things for our son. So little trips, days out, going to the park etc. Otherwise I would lose it mentally and my son would be miserable. I know I wouldn’t be bothered to push myself so readily if I didn’t have this little person who needs me, so I understand that doing anything when you’re feeling so low is not easy. But the more you can get yourself out, even if just for a walk in the park or around the block, the more it helps. It doesn’t change anything or fix the horrible reality, but it might help you heal just a little.

Could you and your father in law try doing something different when you meet once a week? Go for a coffee or to the cinema, or a walk? Or a couple of days away getting you both out of the usual sad routine? It could really benefit you both.

i do all these things because I have to. I do it for the benefit of our son but it does benefit me too, if only in the moment, but that’s a good start.

Same here but I'm sure everyone will want to read it 

Hi everyone,

I know it is very difficult to get yourself to do anything when the emotions are so raw. I remember the first months after Pauls death I could hardly eat anything and found the idea of making something to eat for myself simply pointless because there was only myself now I was doing it for and that didn't seem to be reason enough. I also found that I was constantly tired and drained, even on days when I hadn't done much but maybe gone for a short walk or listening to podcasts. You are just physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted; and also you are trying to process what has happened. It's very difficult. But I would agree with MoonDog: Try to get out, even if it is for a bit, and even if you buy items in the supermarket that you may not really want or need later on, if you have friends, meet with them occasionally and go places you would not normally go... It is important to keep doing those things because, over time, they will help you to feel a little lighter.

Love, Mel.

HI Mike

I cannot  agree more with what you've written here. 

It was 4 weeks yesterday since my beloved husband passed away. Where is all that time gone? I stayed at home. Didn't want to go anywhere. Couldn't face it. Was reading posts on this forum. Many times it feels l am reading about my own feelings. How we all go through the same pain. 

The pain remains same. Hate when people are asking how i am. Lonely and lost. But not telling them. 

I hope we all have a better day today.

Sending my hugs and love to all on this forum. 

Andrea 

Hi Mark,

A child that dies before the parent is the deepest of wounds, my aunt lost her youngest son when he was 30 from a heart attack and she seemed to lose the most important thing in her life but it also left a wound on his sister to whom he was very close.

And my husband lost his sister and of course his mother her only daughter. It took me nearly 3 years to find out that he had even had a sister because nobody spoke about it but once I had gotten this out of them they told be about her in bits and pieces and I learned that she had been a determined and adventurous young woman who married the wrong man and when she realised it was over she felt obliged to tell him and he killed her.

Her older brother can't go near the town where she was murdered because the pain is so deep, but her mother did try because her children were raised in foster care (don't you love a system that ignores blood ties and prefers county lines) and she worked to connect with her granddaughter.

I'm sure that your father in law would like to be reminded of his daughter in pleasant ways, perhaps there are places that you went to together where you can recall the particular traits of your loved one the way she was and the way she cared for you both.

He can understand your pain and you can help by sharing his  

Hi dead meat 

Yes, I've just been to see him, before I go to work this afternoon. Work plus lack of sleep is draining me at the moment. Tryed some herbal stuff for the last 2 night's. Made me feel sick, so they've gone in the bin. 

Hi Mark and Andrea . Haven’t heard from you for awhile. Hope you are both coping ok. Mike 

Hi mike.  I know I am not Andrea or Mark but, we all hope you are coping ok as well.  Just take it moment by moment.  It does get easier believe me love Dolly xx