Struggling

Hi Dead meat and Fiona 

Your are right, just try to function is all I can manage until the pain eases at some point. I've just had a carvery sat alone before work at 2pm. Had to force it down me, sat as one instead of a two. Your dog, Fiona is a comfort. I miss ours and I'm lost to death without her as she was company for me in the first 2 months after Jayne passed. I'm back at work so can't have another dog, much as I'd like one for company. 

Hi all. 

I'm going to work now and all I want to do is sit here and cry. It's awful having no control over when the tears come isn't it. 

Hi Mark

i hope your day got a bit more bearable. My Mark died on 20th of June so today has been a sad reminder for me too. I went to see a friend tonight because I couldn’t bear to sit in and just be silent again. But here i am again, home, alone, lonely, missing him.

take care

Fiona

Hi Fiona 

Sorry you had such a bad day duck . It's so hard when you are in and alone as you have no control of your thoughts and emotions. My day ended no better duck, simply unable to switch off. Took my last sleeping pill ration of 10. Today hasn't been any better. No pills left, so trying some hollandandbarrett Valerian root herbal stuff tonight. Not expecting it to work though but I'll try owt.

The truly awful part is not knowing how long we are going to feel this way, it's utter torment. I don't even feel like putting the kettle on when I get up. How daft is that.

We are all as lost as each other aren't we. Only thing I do know is that without sharing my thoughts with everyone in the group, I'd feel a hell of lot worse.

I feel everyone in the group is now a family of sorts, somewhere to turn to and simply share and be.

I'm truly grateful to you and everyone else in the group . I hope we can all get through this together. 

Hi Mark

hope you got some sleep. Hope today is better for all of us.

Fiona

Hi Mark ,Fiona and everyone else   Yes Mark everyone in this group is like a family of sorts. It’s the only place I can find comfort. Sorry you had a bad day Fiona, it’s still very early days. Mine was 5 weeks last Monday. I have just come back from Killarney to get the car tested, about an hour and a half drive. It’s a lovely place and we both loved going there, but today I hated it I just got the car done and came straight home again. The trouble is when I got home “ like all of you “ it was to an empty silent cold house. I had a cup of coffee but still can’t eat anything much. Don’t really have the inclination to eat .

like Mark I am truly grateful to everyone in this group. Who knows we might even feel better one day. 

Sorry for going on a bit. 

Mike 

Don't worry about going on a bit we all do it it vents our frustrations and sadness have to do it some place and here everyone knows how you feel

Hi Mike 

Your not alone Mike, I didn't sleep at all last night. Got up this morning and didn't feel like eating anything at all. Forced a ready meal down me before coming to work for 2pm. Sat in Canteen now 8pm with a cup of losey tea and a biscuit, dreading going home at 10pm. Like you I've no interest in eating and I'm sick of taking iron pills now. I hope we're all not saying the same things in a year's time or even longer. 

It takes all the strength I've got to get through a day at time. Reading and posting on the group is all I do at night time, with the TV on for some noise.

I always used to think I was fine by myself, but that was only because you knew your other half was there. Now we  know the true meaning of loneliness and it's unbearable isn't it.

I don't have any answers or any ideas how to get through this other than get up tomorrow, feeling exactly the same way. 

Clinging to hope with you all. 

Hi Newb 

I wounder if anyone is like me, with the usernames I sometimes forget whom I'm reading or writing too.

Hugs to you all. 

Mark I could have written that post it is exactly me . Ready meals, tv on in background, trying to get through the day. The only difference is I don’t have to go to work as I took early retirement. I used to be able to read a book but can’t even do that now. 

The loneliness is the worst part of it.  Especially when you see everyone else living a normal life. This site is a lifesaver for me. 

Hope it gets better. 

Mike