Struggling

Hi Andrea and all 

Grief grips us so tightly and leaves us no room for any other thoughts. It consumes us, beats upon us mercilessly, drains us physically and emotionally, soaks into our very being.

I may sound dramatic but I'm being totally honest. Clinging to the hope we'll come out the other side whatever the other side is. 

A work colleague told me last night, his friend lost his wife 8 years ago and is still having bouts of depression. I don't underestimate the power of bereavement to damage us, depression is my worst fear going forwards. Never thought I'd ever be saying that. 

Hi Mark just been told by doctor I have depression got some tablets  will have to see if they work a little hopefully it might ease it a bit

Hi Newb 

Hope you get on with them, there are so many different ones. I now know so many friends and work friends who are taking them. As a result of my bereavement, people open up. Anything that helps. I don't rule them out if needed. 

I slept in till 6.00  this morning so it helped for one night will see if it continues to work

Hi Newb 

Did it help you to you switch your thoughts off, and enable you to go to sleep. Year's of shift work  and now grieving, I'm find it impossible to switch my thoughts off and even try get to sleep. No matter how exhausted I am. Finished work this morning at 6. Not slept, a vicious cycle. 

Yes they did work and seemed to ease the pain a little to

Hi all Mark I know what you mean about the ready meals you get sick of eating them but we have to try and eat something. God how I miss real home cooking . No matter how hard I try I can’t do it as good as winnie could. And even if I could I wouldn’t eat it anyway . You must be dead on your feet working all night and no sleep  

Newb I am glad the tablets are working for you. I take a sleeping pill at night and it seems to help me get a few hours sleep but still have the same pain during the day , just keep praying it will end sometime. 

Mike 

Hi Andrea so sorry you had a bad day . But if it’s any consolation most of my days are bad. I just have to think of my wife and I burst into tears and there’s so many things that reminds me of her, even things like going around sainsburys today on my own was heartbreaking seeing mostly couples and don’t really know what to buy . I tend to look for single people and wonder if they are in the same boat as me. Hopefully this life will get easier for all of us. Hope you sleep tonight   

Mike 

Hi Mike & Andrea & all 

It only takes a couple of moments beginning to think about our spouse and its enough to bring us to tears. It's a battle we're not winning. At work I can just about manage it, until I go home. At home it's not worth fighting it, I let it out. 

Walking around the supermarket or shops alone is awful. I to look at couples, families and strangely looking to see who has a wedding ring on their finger. Even on the telly, I don't know why. Before my wife became ill, I'd be content being alone anywhere doing anything. Because she was there. Now it's mental torment going anywhere. 

Powerless against the overwhelming might of grief. 

Hi Mike

My gp only gave me 10 sleeping pills, so I take one at the weekend to make them last. She keeps pushing counselling bless her, but that won't solve my sleep deprivation. Shift work plus grief =no sleep for me.

Without sleep, makes it twice as hard. A few hours sleep is just a brief respite as you say.