Struggling

Hi Val

My thoughts are with you. I lost my wonderful Margi 9 months ago and it's still so raw. I miss the "I love you's, the hugs, the empty bed _ I still sleep on my half, so much and for me it's when I feel that I'm coping well that an unexpected wave of sadness hits me full on. Good luck with coping with the panic attacks I'm sure Alan helped when he was here so try and think what he would say to you or do.

Take care

Ian B

Thank you for your kind words Ian, So Sorry for your loss ,and yes    I know what you mean,it’sthe little things  ,I’m no spring chicken but we always held hands when we went anywhere,and always said luv you before we went to sleep,I say it to his picture now.and it’s strange but I can’t sleep on his side of the bed, Really going to fight the panic and remember what he used to tell me,Hoping you have some better days..Val

Val and Ian, love and hugs to you both. I try to think what my John would have said to me when I need help, and I'm struggling to cope - which is a lot of the time. He would have said 'you're doing great, just hang on in there'. When we knew he was going to die he said that he knew it would be a struggle for me at first but he had huge faith in my ability to cope, not sure I do! There is comfort in knowing how much we meant to each other and how long we had been together - nearly 40 years - but that's bitter sweet isn't it. Yes, I also miss holding hands, hugs, someone to comfort me when I wasn't feeling well, just someone to talk to or just sit in silence with. The house is so empty. But we all have our lovely memories, and we know that our loved ones would have wanted us to go forward without them.

Lots of love to you all

Anne x

Thank you for your reply Anne,it is so hard without him we were together 52yrs.and we knew each other inside out,Alan used to say I knew what he was going to say before he said it.true like.I am determined to carry on even tho it’s difficult,I know what you mean about the house feeling so empty.even when he was here we didn’t need to chat but he was here,I hope you are having some better days and yes we have lots of lovely memories.Take care Anne.  Love Val.x

Hi Anne

A lovely post. Thank you

Ian B

Hello Ian. 

I'm suffering the same loss as yourself and reading your post is like  looking in the mirror at myself. We are total stranger's, yet we are feeling the same pain and loss. The exact same emotions, and the same terrible journey. I think of grieving as shear mental torture and I I'm glad I've joined the group. Reading everyone's posts, will give me some comfort.

Mark. 

Hi Val. 

I lost my wife suddenly to cancer 6 months ago and I feel as you do. It's seems to get a lot harder to deal with before it will begin to ease and the not knowing how long our grieving will last is even worse. I've not decided on counselling yet as I feel being part of this group may be more beneficial, but I'm not ruling counselling out. Here we know what we, are each going through 100%.Take care Val.

Mark. 

Another challenge today, I collected John's ashes. A friend went with me, which made it easier, but I haven't decided what to do with the ashes yet - my children don't even want to discuss it, so the box is in a cupboard in the spare bedroom for now!

Anne x

There is no hurry. I have Paul's ashes in the bedside draw where they have been for almost a year now. You will know when the time is right x

Good morning all you lovely people. My heart goes out to all of you. My darling wife Winnie fought melanoma for two years she had just started imuntherpy but had to stop as it spread to her brain,she had ten doses of radiation to her brain but still 3 weeks later she left me   That was last Monday morning. I feel lucky because she died at home in her own bed and I was by her side just before she went Winnie said to me in a whisper try and be happy. I will never forget those four words. We were married for 43 years we always held hands went everywhere together did everything together she was my hole life. And like you all say the pain unbearable,l cry and then I cry again I just can’t stop   I live in Ireland and the only good thing is from death to cremation it is all done in three days so there is no long wait. I get the ashes in the next couple of days. And what we agreed on whoever went first would keep them in a nice colorful container in the living room and when the second person goes mix them together and our children will spread them in our favorite place. 

I am sorry I have been rambling. Hugs to you all. 

Mike