Thoughts

So sorry for the pain and despair you’re feeling at the moment. Its so unfair. You can get through this though,  even though it feels like you can’t. Just getting through one hour, one day etc... is an achievement for all of us who’ve been through this and from reading other posts on here, we have to believe it will get better. Take care

Hi it's a huge empty  feeling. I'm upset to hear you feel leaving your daughter would be ok as she has a good family. But she wouldn't have her Dad please try to keep that at the centre now. 

Yes you may feel they don't get you. I wasn't impressed at one stage but the type of counselling  changed and person and it was so helpful. 

I'm not you or your wife I am glad you are still posting  and can share your inner thoughts with us. There's a huge amount that's happened  and a trauma. Did she have a favourite song programme or place to go? 

Best wishes xxx

Hi Peter

It really depressed me to read your story and I feel so helpless that I cannot help you.

I do want to be of help to you I've not been to uni, I don't give text book replies all my replies come from my heart and my head and they want to help you if you'll let them.

You can talk to me at anytime I do understand what you are going through as do all the members. The members have all had the same feelings as you on the loss of a loved one and it does take time to get over it and we all struggle thro it the best we can by taking one day at a time, each day will be different some days you'll be up some days you'll be down its natural all you can do is hope that tomorrow will be better than today.

We all do understand we all want to help we may be faceless people in here but we're real people with real feelings and we can help you to beat the feelings you are experiencing.

You mentioned in a previous post that you have a friend have you been out with him for a drink or to do some shopping, getting out and having people around you can help as can walking down the street and simply saying hello to everyone you meet the person you say good morning to maybe suffering the same as you and you've helped them in a small way.

Only by taking small steps forward will you be able to understand your feelings and move forward and I do hope at this time you can' see a way forward without your Lindsay but there is a way forward we just need to find the path for you to follow .

Lindsay understood you what do you think she'd be saying to you now, would she be wanting you to mope around the house only you can tell us what she would be telling you do and if you listen carefully to your head she is there giving you guidance. She was you rock in the past and she still can be do what you think she would want you to do but I don't think she is ready for you to join her she probably wants you to get on with your life she will still be beside you and will be giving you a nudge in the right direction.

She has not given up on you don't let her down by giving up on yourself. Keep asking yourself what would Lindsay want me to do and do it 

I know it's not the same as speaking face to face but I hope you know that you can always speak to me I won't have the answers but hopefully together we will find one.

Remember keep asking yourself What would Lindsay be telling me to do today.

I'm here I'm listening I understand I'm  here for you.

You're into your music and the Beetles so today Lindsay is saying to you "Don't let me down' as "She loves you" and "Wants to hold your hand" as your face "The long and winding road" and as you think of "Yesterday" and "Let it be" as "We can work it out' but she doesn't want you to become part of "Sergeant Peppers lonely hearts club"

Peter speak to me I listening 

Ian

Hi Peter,

You say there is nobody who can help you and you don't want to be helped. All you want is to hear your wife's voice.

It is not true that nobody can help you. Maybe this has been your experience so far and I am very sorry that this has been the case. However, today is a new day, now is a new now, and you have to believe that there is help. If it is not counselling at the moment or not your GP, then it is perhaps coming on here and sharing your thoughts and feelings and listening to those wo have been where you are and give you, like Ian, advise on how to get through this. And you can because all of us can.

You say you don't want to be helped. I think that is very sad. Would your wife want that? Would she want you to give up and say "I don't want my life anymore because you are not here". - I don't think so. I think if she was there with you now, she would put her arm around you, hold you tight and whisper into your ear, "Hey, Peter, I know you can do this. It's hard I know. And I know how much you miss me. But I am still here with you, even though no longer in physical form. Go on. You can do it." You could also ask her, "What would you like me to do right now?" And I am sure you will get an answer. She might tell you to go for a walk, to do some meditation, to have something nice to eat, to watch TV... whatever it is. Try to find her inside you. Try to find her and listen.

One thing I did that you might find helpful: For the first few months after Paul's death, I wrote letters to him every single day. I took 20 or 30 minutes out of every day to write to him. I would then close the document - of course you can also do it in handwriting - and force myself to do something different now and to no longer have my husband be the center of attention. So I compartementalised my grief in that way so that I made sure to, yes of course, talk to Paul and be with him, but also do something practical that would help me to not move on but to move forward. And it worked. It really did.

Love, Mel.