Feeling lost

Hi I'm so sorry for you you really had no time to get your head round any of it and with all your relationships happening too no wonder your in a whirl wind. The clothes don't matter. It's you and your family. He came back to you so try and hold onto that.. 

Do you feel talking to a third party may help with the feelings? May be Macmillan  could help? Or via the doctors? This is all part of our grieving the cups downs and memories. If you can take comfort he's  at peace and didn't suffer for long. I know that may sound harsh but long or short it's hard. Take care talk when you can and seek help if needed. 

I'm going to speak to my local Macmillan .We never got the chance to involve them in his care because he passed so quickly. I was due to get help from them for caring for him at home but we never got that far. My son also needs to talk to someone - he's been referred by our gp but there's a 6 month wait to be seen so I'm hoping Macmillan will help.

I just feel I'm stuck in a nightmare. It feels like part of me is missing. I think talking might help. I don't feel I can talk to anyone close because I'm so busy putting on a brave face for my kids. Everyone thinks I'm coping but I don't feel I am. 

I found our Macmillan  nurse very helpful but also the group locally. I'm glad you feel you can reach out and hop there's help soon. It is difficult with children. Forgive me how old are your children? I do think you need to let them see how you feel but this may be very hard with little ones. I discuss what I can with my daughter. We were there together and shared that moment there's no one else who knows about that better than her. I understand theres a huge gap a numbness an empty feeling. Sending love 

My son is 16 and my daughter is 17. They were both there when their dad passed away because it all.happened so quickly. We were all with him. My son had started some counselling through school when his dad was diagnosed but he didn't find it very helpful. It's difficult because they're both sitting their exams at the moment - i suppose that does keep them busy but their results will be affected by everything that's happened. My daughter will talk about things but my son won't really which worries me. He's like me in that he doesn't like to show his feelings. I don't want to upset them by crying in front of them so i tend to get upset when I'm on my own. I wouldn't want them to worry about me as well as everything else they're going through. I really hope Macmillan can help. Thank you for your advice xx

Morning Sammilou 

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, it’s so hard when you are trying to keep the kids going & still processing what’s happened yourself  & I think the processing goes on for a long time after we’ve lost our loved one. I felt my head was stuck on a loop of thoughts for weeks after- as soon as I had even a moment when I wasn’t busy it would kick in again... it gradually slows down & doesnt become so all consuming. 

I wanted to add, you said your children are doing exams, if they are formal ones have you written to the exam board via the school to make them aware of what’s so recently happened? If not, Macmillan can help you do this, it doesn’t have to be a longwinded letter but school can submit it if it’s given to them now during the exam season & it’s then up to the exam board whether they will allows your children some leaway- they can award up to 5% allowance when it comes to grades which can make quite a difference to grade boundaries when theyve  been through a tough time that’s affected their revision & study time. I would add, your children dont need to know if you do this either. 

You sound as if you are doing so well trying to keep them on an even keel when it’s so early days for you. I think your children will worry about you anyway whether you cry in front of them or not, but I know what you mean about wanting to keep them from it- crying in the shower again same as when my husband was ill worked for me, it’s somehow easier to let go there as you’re not disturbed.. . 

I hope today is a better day for you all. Big hugs, you sound like a great mum 

Sarah xx