Creeping upto 6 months

Hi Parkotre,

It was lovely to read your post. I was thinking of you only the other day and was wondering how you were getting on.

It is interesting how things change ever so slightly, isn't it? A month ago you were crying every day and now, even though you are still thinking every second of every day of your lovely husband, you don't cry as much.

I can't believe that it will be 11 months for me the day after tomorrow. And I am quite surprised to feel that I am actually a little worse at the moment; worse meaning that I feel quite tearful and low for most of my day, not so much thinking of Paul but just feeling low in every sense, I think the bereavement meeting at the hospital sparked that off yesterday. But on a practical level I am doing okay: getting up every morning, going to bed in good time at night, eating kind of okay, going to work, keeping my house in order, paying my bills... But the heartache is quite unbearable at the moment. It's just this feeling of loneliness and the realisation that he won't come back and that I am moving further and further into a life without him - a life I don't even know whether I want it. I will be going away to my parents for Easter and I think the break will do me good.

Love, Mel.

Hi Mel

lovely to hear from you. I totally understand how you’re feeling. I get the you’re doing ok but not moving on in life. I feel the same. I live each day but I’m not actually living as I can’t imagine a future and I can’t let myself believe this is now our lives. It’s the only way I get through. 

Time just goes in the blink of an eye doesn’t it. I think it’s always going to be the case that until we wake in the morning we never know how we’re going to feel  we will always have the pain of our losses with us it’s because of the loved them so so much. They were part of us, we’ve lost a part of ourselves when we lost them. 

I hope you have a lovely Easter at your parents, and start to feel a little more positive. One day one minute at a time is all we can do. I am going to my mums for a few days with the children just a change of scenery really. 

Love T xx 

I am six and a half months down this road.  Some days I am so far down the dark hole that I cannot even cry.  I went to an 18th Birthday party for a relative who has cerabal palsy. Her friends (many also disabled) It was humbling to see how these people and their families cope every day.  I know my John would have loved to have been there.  He loved being with kids.   Hope your good days increase xx