changing the subject

Hi I've noticed the same thing but I'm sure it's just people "trying to protect us" and second guessing what we are thinking which if more frustrating than anything.

I'm trying but I've not found a way yet to tell family and friend that I want to talk about Margi (my wife who died last October) as part of my grieving process. I feel that if they try not to discuss my wife then we are just storing up a very sad moment for the future.

At least my grown up children have learnt to discuss their mum.

Keep trying with the "getting people to listen". Someone will get it at sometime in the future

Lots of luck in getting this sorted.

Ian

Thank you Ian, just knowing someone here understands is good. I have a very limited pool of people to try to speak with... hopefully someone will put up with me rambling on sometime soon :) best of wishes to you too 

Hello to all,

Yes it seems that they do not want to address the subject of a departed spouse. Like they are protecting us, when really it would be better for us better to talk everything and process the emotions/grief. The last year of Georges life shard on him and on me. Not as many friends as when he was well. Little remarks during that time there were not comforting. And isolating. It takes time to move through the loss and it does help to talk.  Tomorrow is the day George passed last year, Just got off the phone with a friend that wanted to know what I wanted to do in addition to the dinner tomorrow night. A Good friend.

The fact is that all of our friends will go through the same and it could help them to learn how to talk about loss and ways to cope.Maybe they are afraid of the time it will happen for them and if they do not address it , it will not come. A type of denial on their part.  I am here if you need to vent, anytime. It is just helping me to hear from others going through the same gauntlet.

Warmest Wishes to All,

Millie

BTW, I still have G's ashes, bought a beautiful sand molded urn that one can do burial at sea, had planned to do it last October, but somehow like having him near- Ill know when it is time to charter a big boat for a Going Away Party for him.  He would like that with a nice Wagner piece like flight of the Valkyres going full blast.

Dear Millie 

I think it definitely has to do with not wanting  to upset us but in fact it's  the opposite. I talk to friends and am lucky because they listen. I talk to my daughter because we share our grief and my family because my husband was son in law etc. I think may a new post should start on memories  put everything anything because they were our lives. I'm sitting here feeling very empty but I know people here are too it's what we share. Turn up the music enjoy the memories. Keep the urn if you want and party on the boat. Do as you need xxx

Dear Wife of 26 years,

Thank you so much!  

We celebrated his life with a toast on the first anniversary of his passing. My friends and I did drink the fancy bubbly, we did turn up the volume of Wagner piece to full BLAST and it was wonderful.

I felt like he was there- one friend later said she got goosebumps during the entire toast with Flight of the Valkyries blaring for all outside to hear.  George was first a Canadian fighter pilot then a United Captain. I always imagined him using that tune in his head if the flying got hairy. 

Blessings to all

Millie

PS there was NO pickled herring- he was the sole fan in our household.